Few days back I had a conversation with an old lost friend……she spoke to me of her brother’s situation which was drastic……..for few days I have been trying to put it in words as I feel this is a spreading disease and should reach out to people for a caution……I have compiled the conversation in a dramatic way while keeping the essence and facts intact. Just a twist and turn to make it understandable……..
End of a lifetime……..
Are we really foolish or really smart?
That was the one question put up to me ……….a friend crying on the phone……her brother just got admitted to a hospital as he is in acute depression!!!!!!!!!,
Reason: separation and a possible Divorce!!!!!!!!!!!
Divorce!!!!! A common parallel term used like a cup of tea in these times………..
Reasons and arguments are million to discuss…….a separation of two non-compatible people is understood…….why only this …a lot of other reasons well understood……….besides one reason……
Inability to understand the difference between Want and Need!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Starting from the question asked to me few minutes back………
Are we really foolish or really smart?
The situation goes in the following way……
Pankaj and Sonia meet….fall in LOVE…TRUE LOVE…… (Names changed of my friends to maintain the privacy)
Both have their respective pasts!!!!!
Both now find a common platform to bury their past and accept their new life full of happiness and Divine blessings. After around 1 year of courtship tie the knot………….Life moves on…….
One day Pankaj while driving spots Sonia in a restaurant with a man who looks faintly familiar. Could be an official lunch or something so no conversation no nothing he drives on and the day comes to an end.
The FIRST start to the END of their Togetherness started that night…….at Dinner Sonia herself tells Pankaj of the horrible food served to her at a certain restaurant while she was out for lunch with her office colleague…… (Which she referred as a woman). This got Pankaj thinking that did he actually see her or someone else (who was a man)……apparently he chooses to ignore as he was not sure and did not want an awkward situation to be rising for both of them.
A few months down the line a similar situation took place where someone informed Pankaj about seeing Sonia with someone. This again came out as a general conversation as due to professional reason Sonia had to go for lunches with clients or acquaintances. But what triggered was that this was a down market guest house or hotel where she was seen and knowing Sonia she would never visit any down market place for any reason. Hence something was in the loop which wasn’t right.
While being a couple we usually know every routine and schedule of our better halves which is natural.
Now with a suspicion in mind certain aspects Pankaj started noticing but could never point at anything directly as probably I think were reasons argued by the feeling of love or that their love and life together was bigger than this suspicion which was not even something he was sure about.
But probably his want to push the things under the carpet wad not the want of the nature…….
One day Pankaj comes across a message on Sonia’s phone while she was driving and asked him to read it out…….
Reading the name of the sender got his face turned into red and the message did the last draw…….
My friend didn’t remember the message too well but the jist of it was “it was lovely meeting you last time…..Iam in town in the same hotel if you want to catch up”
Flash back!!!!!!!!!
Like all of us Sonia also came into this relationship with a past (just slightly different)…..during one of her phases she had met this guy where they both landed into a physical relationship and whenever the body shouted the other would appear [there is a lot more to this which I shall speak of later]……
Now once getting into with Pankaj and finally settling down this part of life was over and Pankaj knew all about it and understood it. One day Sonia took Pankaj to meet a friend (during their courtship), this friend was the same guy whom she had a physical thing going on.
The coffee went well but once alone Pankaj expressed his feeling to Sonia regarding the meeting.
His opinion was that he didn’t want to meet someone with whom the woman he is going to marry has slept with only for SEX and is not comfortable with the idea of her still being in touch with him while this guy is not even a friend or someone with whom she had emotional relationship.
To this her expression was that it’s quite understandable but Pankaj should trust her.
Eventually he never brought this topic up or they never discussed it but as told to me the topic again came up on that drive.
Back from FLASH BACK!!!!
Pankaj was speechless and Sonia just replied that it’s the same friend but as Pankaj didn’t approve of him hence she never told Pankaj about him….not that there was anything wrong but even she has a life and she can’t just stop talking to people from her past just because her better half doesn’t like them.
Eventually Pankaj kept quiet and didn’t revert back on this……life moved on and the daily grind of kids and school and office took over the issue and it was again pushed under the carpet while this time not entirely.
Just few weeks from that episode Pankaj went into a depression and eventually one day decided to walk out of marriage.
This is the story of a marriage which saw 9 years of togetherness love caring and sacrifice from both the partners and today they are in a splitville……..
I personally know Pankaj and Sonia…..Pankaj is elder brother of my college friend Divya… attended their wedding…..knew about their relationship as it was quite popular in the circle……not a close friend but yet in the close circle understood them as individuals…. Respected both for their maturity and commitment towards each other, .at times jealous of their togetherness as wished me, to have one like that.
Hence when I received a mail from Divya and called her back I was overwhelmed to listen to her voice after years and she had come down to Delhi from States due to this issue in the family and was flying back tonight. Thought full of her to have remembered me and mailed me.
So now I and Divya started discussing the issue and she was for the motion that Pankaj shouldn’t have called for a separation…….
All three of them were in my college…Pankaj, Sonia and Divya…..hence I know all three but was good friends with Divya and social acquaintance with her brother and Sonia.
I knew a little about Sonia as one of the other guys she had dated previously to Pankaj was a close friend to me. Sonia came from a background where her mother had married thrice and this somehow adversely had affected Sonia.
Probably the want of a man (could be father figure or the entre feel of a MAN MAN !) in her life was so strong that she went in a phase of getting close to people physically and not getting through to them emotionally, could be the fear of losing hence never made the effort……
when women goes through such phase in their life they attract a lot of men who are looking out for what is known as Free Sex and something with no strings attached……..where playing a goody two shoes is a part of the package as not to make the lady feel like a they are bring used but rather that this is an arrangement which is mutual and with consent.
There is one more character to these vultures……they will always remain in touch with you and speak of friendships and maturity and the larger picture of life and look out for your weak moments so they can hunt again………
I would repeat that not all these men “or women” are like that but majority of them.
Being in a friendship before Pankaj and Sonia got married Divya was not only now related to Sonia as a family member but was also a friend. With the bad feeling of what has happened to her brother Divya did speak to Sonia as a friend to sort the matter out.
Now this is Sonia’s point of view to Divya.
To Sonia it never occurred that Pankaj could go into such a depression and things could take such a horrible shape. While today she realizes what her negligence and immaturity has caused but unfortunately the damage has been done.
While Sonia never cheated on Pankaj, as per her (if she is to be believed…I would). But she did continue meeting this guy up on an average of once in a few months but only for social conversation. Pankaj wasn’t informed as he would not understand. But Sonia didn’t see any wrong in meeting someone from past and her argument was that this man was there for her in her need of a physical partner and never used her, also that this man doesn’t hold any importance per say in her life and is past so Pankaj should not worry.
Today when the situation is in the open and people are getting to know about the scene Sonia realizes who this so called friend was and how did he manipulate her into coming as a friend and nothing else then that hiding the real intention of looking out for a moment where he could get a piece of her and make it look like as if he tried to stop it but she needed it…………
Today when few other common people have found out about this particular man and confronted Sonia in what the mess she was going into now she realizes it but at the cost which is costing her daughter and her better half who loved her and still does.
Divya’s question to me “Are we really foolish or really smart”?
Simply put it means that…..should I believe that Sonia was so naïve to understand Rohan’s intention (the villain in the story), or is she so smart to look like a naïve girl and keep a fall back option on whenever it needed in life.
Now before going further ahead let’s see Pankaj’s point of view.
Pankaj is a very mature well established man and values family and relationships. Madly still in love with Sonia and extremely hurt…his one question: - if Rohan is not important then why was she still in touch with him leaving aside meeting. I still love her and maybe in some time I will get us together. But all I don’t get is that she chose to keep a thing alive from past on the levels of lying to me and that thing wasn’t even important. I had accepted all her past with her and all her rights and wrongs as a couple does in a lifetime commitment. And I feel so low that she chose to keep a past sexual fling alive risking a family. She is not so stupid to risk a family in doing something which is not important. Which means that there is something, hence she chose to keep it alive on the cost of US and our daughter. He is hurt feeling the fact that why should he be the one to initially ask her to stop the alliance between her and this guy…..why at the first point it continued anyways…..and if it did then once Sonia was with him why did she entertain such a thing to an extent of making him meet this guy. How would she like if I did the similar…….
Now my discussion with Divya:
Hearing everyone’s point of view Divya gave me her opinion…..
We only keep certain strings alive when there is a certain importance to them.
For the fact Rohan is a bastard, a smooth operator. Sonia has to realize that most of men will say anything or make you feel anything which they have to; to make you spread your legs. If you argue that Rohan is a well wisher and occasionally gives tips on how to make certain wrongs in the marriage of Sonia and Pankaj, then the only expression is a smirk…..
Rohan is too smart to know Sonia is too dumb (in case she is genuinely not a cheater)….he knows how to keep the stock option open for a rainy day…. The likes of him won’t pound on you every time as they have a herd like her already intact. Likes of him….you are not important as you are just a part of their list. Spending a little on coffee and conversation is much cheaper than paying 10000/- bucks on a professional escort whom he doesn’t even know. At least you are a certified good lay from past experience, and what more can he ask for when a good lay no matter how good or bad her physical appearance is ready to spread her legs... They behave as well wishers as they know someday you will go weak. If they just occasionally be in touch with you for social hello it’s not for a hello but with an underlined note of “Iam still there in case you need it”
I feel if Rohan was not important and Pankaj had expressed his feelings towards this issue way before marriage then Sonia should have on her own put an end to it. She is a professional working in a great organization ……also she has close friends hence one can’t give a possible reason for this…..she does not have the reason to herself…..
The sad part is she gave importance to something which was out of her individualistic ego (as told to Divya by her) and trying to justify a NOTHING to her own self. She chose a want over need… that too, a want which shouldn’t have been a want.
As Iam writing this I myself am overwhelmed with a sadness as I have memories of these people from my past and had never thought I would her such a news………
On certain grounds I agree with both Pankaj and Divya.
I agree that Pankaj has been betrayed…as infidelity is not just physical….a thought also counts as infidelity. I agree with him on the lines that once a bone is broken it never remains strong as in its original self. But I disagree with him on the lines that he should seek separation agree that it will always remain in his heart as a bad wound but for their daughter he should re think……
I agree with Sonia on the lines that there was nothing between herself and Rohan and he is not at all important… but my question to her is this much….what was the need at all to have a past fling alive for even a conversation once in 10 years…..while it was not even a fling of emotions but just F&S as they say on the streets…….if it was giving her some pleasure emotionally to have kept such a relation alive then I wouldn’t understand it…..actually no reason is convincing enough to put a family at risk………….
I have mentioned all the important facts in my conversation with Divya.
My wishes go with the re-joining of the family……
As I know them personally I know they both love each other. Whosoever reads this do wish for their togetherness………
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