Saturday, September 29, 2007

Street Spirit


Rows of houses
all bearing down on me
I can feel their blue hands touching me
All these things in all positions
All these things will one day take control
And fade out again and fade out
This machine will will not communicate these thoughts
And the strain I am under
Be a world child form a circle before
we all go underAnd fade out again
and fade out again
Cracked eggs dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death can see
it’s beady eyes
All these things into frution
All these things we’ll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Laptop

my son has almost Forgotten that he has a father........

i heard his voice after few weeks today...........

today he is 3 years 5 months and one day old.......... i remember till the time he was with me we use to celebrate his birthday everymonth...........

today he told me he learnt "monday , tuesday " in school......and i said "even papa knows it beta.......

he thought iam asking him to give the phone to my father........so he gave the phone to him and ran off.......

and my dad asked me .....is there anything else? ...

and in my low voice i said no dad.........

before anything i heard the phone getting disconnected.........

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Beggar

thanks...........

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Random Visitor

certain feelings and comments are never spoken.........

leading to MYSTERY........

Mystery leads to a possible suspence......

suspence leads to doubt.......

Doubt turns to belief......

when i was young i was taught that if silence can lead into saving somethng then be silent.......

at times words exchanged can lead to a brawl and disaster........

so i became silent and widrew my self from a situation.......

only to realise today that this silence has lead to a mother of all Blame.........

Am i complaining ?

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........

Quite use to it....... was definately hurt.......actually very hurt.....but i am laughing now......

its ok.......... my intention is best known to me so i dont have any reason to feel bad.........

the point is i have a lot to handle hence iam gonna close my doors............

just in between...........

this goes to a very dear friend............"God is God........if you were so powerfull to be in control then you wouldnt be sad at all......"

yet again to this friend and to all the people..............."God Bless You".

The smile shall remain.......

I always say “Lost my Virginity to Capitalism”,

Many people think it’s a Heavy thought out Phrase of a not- so – sought out brain……..

Many people think it’s quite sexy and attention gainer sort of phrase…….

Few say it’s kind of Cool…. "them Dames like this kinda shit an all”

And many just pass by thinking it’s by some schizophrenic Brain dead psycho…..

People who are very close to me think that many people won’t understand why have I used this phrase for myself but shall find it quite intriguing…….

What was I thinking before I put such a statement online…….

Honestly I think I didn’t think anything at all……

The meaning of what I wrote is only well understood by me only…….

I have never blamed or regretted my birth in this world…..never….

Looking for Romance……..is all crime I commit…… Romance…..A terminology understood in all different forms and ways Romance…….a feeling just a blatant feeling……

The daily grind of and for money……..self satisfying egoistic issues…….Pizzas and Pastas, Armani and LV, Rolex ……..wines and wines……AND WINES……pretty faces and sexy Bods……hunks and hulks………lean and sheen……..cars and shares……….gays and gay………football and cricket……..wife and husband………woman and women….Man and men…….sexists and incest….. Spiritual Gurus and spiritual followers…….


“We sold our culture to a pair of jeans” this was a topic I got in school around 17 years back to prepare a Debate on…….

While today when my Banks call me and threaten me…….my son’s image flashes in front of my eyes now and again……the courtroom drama…..the police and society opinion…….i think…..i think what culture did I speak of then……..what pair of jeans did we sold our culture to……NOTHING…….

What has my vision getting Blur and my decisions and my family and my son and my sanity or insanity got anything to do with this obnoxious culture or that Bold stitched pair of Denims……..

God who wrote my destiny didn’t form this culture or the darn pair of jeans……..my actions and decisions had nothing to do with that either…………

Does this culture or this jeans care about the fact that my Son is not with me…….NO……

Iam loosing the clarity of thought, once I was proud off……..maybe only to regain my lost loose self again …..Maybe it’s the God’s will……….

I have realized this much that “I” has no value at all………

That this so called world is not working by our efforts……………

If only we had the power……..

Them Damn people who are on my back are there as it’s destined that way………

While driving to the office I received a sms……

While driving to the office I received a call……

Same people……same reasons……same yapping……

I guess more things to learn and accept………

Just that……

One can go a million miles and take a million sorrows in one’s stride……..but I guess the times have gone for a possible Gratitude………

Something I read and realized that it’s all for waste and Filth………

Iam not at fault…….no Iam not……. If people cannot possibly thank me or at least acknowledge my efforts and giving in then they were never worth it……….

its just not a good feeling that people only think of you in disgust or for monetary reasons.....

What goes around comes around………they shall someday………………

Some day………..

Realize……..

Like

I

Do

Today.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Mu hands are Folded

Itni Shakti Hamen De na DATA......Man Ka Vishwas Kamzor Ho na....

Hum Chalen Nek Raste Pe Humse....Bhool Kar Bhi Koi Bhool Ho Na......

Dear God,

i dont know how should one pray.......Going to the places of Worship or seeking your guidance within my heart?

I know you are reading every word i say and feel and speak......

Forgive my sins and help me Save the day.......

my family has gone through hell....... give me the wisdom and strength to save them.

i know what will happen will happen for good.

i dont know wo's fault or mistakes are to what quantam that we all are suffering so much......

but i do know that my heart is pure and intention honourable........

help me God...

this is my prayer.........

my hands Folded........

show me the way...........

show me the way.............

Thursday, September 20, 2007

God Help me.....


How much can one take ?

i left in the morning for my office, my phone starts to ring.....regular calls from the banks and creditors........Debitors wont pick my phone ...........

everytime these phonecalls come i switch off completely..... my brain stops to work !

its kind of been a ritual now.....

iam not strong enough to del with these all when iam trying to work as much as possible.....

on the Personal front is kindof same, no matter how much hard iam trying to give in its just never enough.........

heart aching pointors are only the words thrown again and again and again at me........

My trouble shooting skills are giving up on me.....

My intake of harsh words and emotional distress is making me insane.......

My GOD knows that i have been honest and true...........

My GOD knows i am trying my best to work out something better with a special one......

I just feel consumed by all this and i dont feel i have strength anymore to handle this.....

i cant take all the calls at the same time anymore......

Please GOD help me.......

Pls Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know how to answer what to answer when i recieve that distressed Phone call....... i myself am up till my neck and my reflexes for a nice conversation are no more working........

i really cant Deal with this all.............i cant.......i wish to ....but i cant........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i wish i could empty my self to somone who would be listening to me for once and give me a solution..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!