Ke jab tera chehra phir se samne aaya,
Mere man ke har taar ko jhanjor diya ,
Ke jab teri aakhon ne phir kiya ghayal,
Daard phir se aasuon ko saath le aaya,
Ye bewafai ki daastan kya thi,
Humne kabhi tum pe na ilzam lagaya,
Simat gaye hum humin mein kutch is tarah,
Ke maut par bhi zaban per sirf tera naam aaya…
Sirf tera naam aaya………………………………
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Revelations.......................................
Time:
One Factor which controls us mortals……...turning a king to beggar and vice versa…..
A rush of questions enters the tunnels in our brain…. Control and power is long lost…..sanity which worked out well suddenly plays a different note…
What seemed write once is crime now…… every action and word spoken defies our self….
A fear of disaster with every phone call……Doorbell stops your heartbeat…..
Blank as white sheet……scared of an outburst……like a virgin scared of her First Period….while staining the Whiteness of white……innocent not to know its Natural……yet remains fearful till she turns into a gothic Queen decorated with Black Patent leather, Black nail paints, Black mascara, her tears leaving a black trace down her cheeks making her look more Sexier for herself…… yet Tears are tears and they break her; hiding behind her DARK GOTHIC SELF she remains a scared Virgin…… not fearing her Periods anymore stuffs her up with cotton…..yet she bleeds with pain…..her surrounding and BEST FRIENDS know of her periods and ache….yet no one wants to see her blood…..IT DISGUSTS THEM…..
style shaved my stub today……. Looking in mirror turned my face like in them Advertisements……wore a black Tee and comfy pajamas……cleansed my face with scrubs and fancy products……..thought to give myself a pamper……a fresh glow dawned my face or was it the Golden glow of Yellow light from bulb…... fresh….let me rephrase it ….FRESHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!! That was expected….right?
All what vision, eyes provide me …. Moist eyes…. little reddish on that…… forced smile trying to be all Style Bhai !!!!! Nothing changed……. was a Bastard….. Shall Remain one………
Soft strings from Funkadelic “Maggot Brain” provide perfect acoustics ……. Dark skin against Black Tee-shirt….. Makes u look fairer…… a weird thought “with all my crimes there are larger crimes out there” what a metaphor for Dark skin and black Tee!!!!!! I smile like a Lunatic…. Or hey a psychotic Poodle……
A conspiracy to murder ; FAILED….. Not once but twice…….. Heard rumors yet again A Perfect Murder is planned…… Quest to protect is Gone ….lost somewhere…..for whom……does this life matters to anyone….remaining a pawn in hands of them who think they control thy soul….cause u show them u love them…..yet every time that phone rings the true sentiment of a Possible fluke or “Bastardship” Greets u with “Good Morning”…..
There is no wish to put an end to breath……..no wish to see them veins spurting blood………surviving today to Live tomorrow……. Taking Blows today to get healed tomorrow…… being hated today to be loved tomorrow…..
Yet wish to be introduced again………..
Yet long to Breath next to someone’s ears…..
Her neck smelling of her skin…..moist skin …. Sweat beads smoothing up my skin too…..
yet long to Drive the Black Serpent with fingers entangled with hers……
yet wish to see someone smile tearfully looking at that Rose when she opens her door.
Yet want to wear my Apron again and brew Coffee with to die for Breakfast …. Waking her up with a slight blow in her ears…… saying “Good Morning Angel;
yet wish to stare at the window holding her from her waist…….see the morning from her eyes…….
yet wish to Propose her in the middle of the Sky surrounded by clouds……. Tell her I want to Grow old with her………
yes wish to Kiss her beneath that Mistletoe…..to walk that threshold…… to see happiness and content in her eyes……. To see her dreams come true…… to hear her sing and sing to her…… to love her….. and to be loved……..to Become Us just Us……
Yes wish to Live Again………..
have a son who is son to a bastard Father……..and am Father to a bastard son……
One Factor which controls us mortals……...turning a king to beggar and vice versa…..
A rush of questions enters the tunnels in our brain…. Control and power is long lost…..sanity which worked out well suddenly plays a different note…
What seemed write once is crime now…… every action and word spoken defies our self….
A fear of disaster with every phone call……Doorbell stops your heartbeat…..
Blank as white sheet……scared of an outburst……like a virgin scared of her First Period….while staining the Whiteness of white……innocent not to know its Natural……yet remains fearful till she turns into a gothic Queen decorated with Black Patent leather, Black nail paints, Black mascara, her tears leaving a black trace down her cheeks making her look more Sexier for herself…… yet Tears are tears and they break her; hiding behind her DARK GOTHIC SELF she remains a scared Virgin…… not fearing her Periods anymore stuffs her up with cotton…..yet she bleeds with pain…..her surrounding and BEST FRIENDS know of her periods and ache….yet no one wants to see her blood…..IT DISGUSTS THEM…..
style shaved my stub today……. Looking in mirror turned my face like in them Advertisements……wore a black Tee and comfy pajamas……cleansed my face with scrubs and fancy products……..thought to give myself a pamper……a fresh glow dawned my face or was it the Golden glow of Yellow light from bulb…... fresh….let me rephrase it ….FRESHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!! That was expected….right?
All what vision, eyes provide me …. Moist eyes…. little reddish on that…… forced smile trying to be all Style Bhai !!!!! Nothing changed……. was a Bastard….. Shall Remain one………
Soft strings from Funkadelic “Maggot Brain” provide perfect acoustics ……. Dark skin against Black Tee-shirt….. Makes u look fairer…… a weird thought “with all my crimes there are larger crimes out there” what a metaphor for Dark skin and black Tee!!!!!! I smile like a Lunatic…. Or hey a psychotic Poodle……
A conspiracy to murder ; FAILED….. Not once but twice…….. Heard rumors yet again A Perfect Murder is planned…… Quest to protect is Gone ….lost somewhere…..for whom……does this life matters to anyone….remaining a pawn in hands of them who think they control thy soul….cause u show them u love them…..yet every time that phone rings the true sentiment of a Possible fluke or “Bastardship” Greets u with “Good Morning”…..
There is no wish to put an end to breath……..no wish to see them veins spurting blood………surviving today to Live tomorrow……. Taking Blows today to get healed tomorrow…… being hated today to be loved tomorrow…..
Yet wish to be introduced again………..
Yet long to Breath next to someone’s ears…..
Her neck smelling of her skin…..moist skin …. Sweat beads smoothing up my skin too…..
yet long to Drive the Black Serpent with fingers entangled with hers……
yet wish to see someone smile tearfully looking at that Rose when she opens her door.
Yet want to wear my Apron again and brew Coffee with to die for Breakfast …. Waking her up with a slight blow in her ears…… saying “Good Morning Angel;
yet wish to stare at the window holding her from her waist…….see the morning from her eyes…….
yet wish to Propose her in the middle of the Sky surrounded by clouds……. Tell her I want to Grow old with her………
yes wish to Kiss her beneath that Mistletoe…..to walk that threshold…… to see happiness and content in her eyes……. To see her dreams come true…… to hear her sing and sing to her…… to love her….. and to be loved……..to Become Us just Us……
Yes wish to Live Again………..
have a son who is son to a bastard Father……..and am Father to a bastard son……
laxman da dhaba
So she took her love for to gaze a while upon the fields of barley; in my arms she fell as her hair fell down among the fields of gold…….will u still love me will you be my love ….among the fields of barley ; we’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky among the fields of Gold……………………………
Mind Freaking experiences since last few days……..
Awakening of a feeling which had Died for almost years and years…………
No reason and no sense…….yet so livid, lucid, and oblivious and Beautiful…….
Someone who just happened to become an important part of me said “vipul you are weird, u look like a psycho…..u don’t attract psycho’s as you are one”
Someone who used to be very important to me and probably I loved to the core told me this year starting “Vipul you are not the kind of man someone can take home to….. You are used and you have a son”
As of now and since years back all I managed to do is laugh it off………. It doesn’t bother me anymore as the fact of Human selfless love is obsolete for my used soul.
The feeling of a constant mind fuck forces me to believe that iam unwanted…..
People with whom I don’t have a “being in love connection” accuse me of having it and using them…..
People with whom I feel a “being in something” connection don’t wish that from me or with me…………..
Is my Divorce a taboo which inflicts its plague on me ever since I have learnt about it?
Or am I a real living breathing PSYCHO?
Or am I yet another VAMPIRE who lives in the night and burns in the sun……….
I have a purpose and I have to accomplish that………. My Son is my life and soul…….. No hopes of any one accompanying this life and no hopes of any possible Love………….or companionship……… yet my hearts waits for thee………….
One day the sun shall shine again I know of that……one day someone will be my sun I know of that………. Would that day be in my next birth……… would I have a next birth anyways?
Scarred face/ scarred body/ scarred soul……yet not demented …..Yet not dead……yet the instinct is 100 folds…..
Iam the Phoenix…..
Burn me and I shall live again…………
Mind Freaking experiences since last few days……..
Awakening of a feeling which had Died for almost years and years…………
No reason and no sense…….yet so livid, lucid, and oblivious and Beautiful…….
Someone who just happened to become an important part of me said “vipul you are weird, u look like a psycho…..u don’t attract psycho’s as you are one”
Someone who used to be very important to me and probably I loved to the core told me this year starting “Vipul you are not the kind of man someone can take home to….. You are used and you have a son”
As of now and since years back all I managed to do is laugh it off………. It doesn’t bother me anymore as the fact of Human selfless love is obsolete for my used soul.
The feeling of a constant mind fuck forces me to believe that iam unwanted…..
People with whom I don’t have a “being in love connection” accuse me of having it and using them…..
People with whom I feel a “being in something” connection don’t wish that from me or with me…………..
Is my Divorce a taboo which inflicts its plague on me ever since I have learnt about it?
Or am I a real living breathing PSYCHO?
Or am I yet another VAMPIRE who lives in the night and burns in the sun……….
I have a purpose and I have to accomplish that………. My Son is my life and soul…….. No hopes of any one accompanying this life and no hopes of any possible Love………….or companionship……… yet my hearts waits for thee………….
One day the sun shall shine again I know of that……one day someone will be my sun I know of that………. Would that day be in my next birth……… would I have a next birth anyways?
Scarred face/ scarred body/ scarred soul……yet not demented …..Yet not dead……yet the instinct is 100 folds…..
Iam the Phoenix…..
Burn me and I shall live again…………
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Hallelujah
Amazed to be back……..
Rejuvenated, full of spirit…….
Realizations and Truths surfacing the weak brain cells pumping in blood full of pure red….
While the Stars lay in their own way I fight them with God………
maybe victory just saw me in the crowd off lately….
and yet the Self lost somewhere……
Someone sent me a piece of art which now has added to the lost composure already slipping like sand……..
Demons “Good morning”
memories “flash back” ,
Anguish “Hello”…….
Hallelujah….by Jeff Buckley….
“There was a time when you let me knowWhat's really going on belowBut now you never show that to me do yaBut remember when I moved in youAnd the holy dove was moving tooAnd every breath we drew was HallelujahWell, maybe there's a God aboveBut all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot somebody who outdrew yaIt's not a cry that you hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”
Just as when things started to look better Ghosts appeared...
Tears moist the traded skin,
a sudden rush from the back doors fill in heart’s room with all dust and scratches…….
head turns sideways blowing hair cover eyes, blocking Vision …….
Red nerves bulge out in small eyes and white turns yellow ……..
warm drop rolls down……..
Just this morning yet a revelation took place……… just another call from Reality or so to say “Reality check”……………….
Will this ever stop………. Destiny is destined and Karma is ours……… who is to be hanged….. “Leaders are like Eagles …they fly alone” once my Hallelujah said ……you r wrong……… and again the storm from the Back doors reminded how right I was……
What I never understood…..
A long drive for you is an excursion; an long drive for me is escapism;
Laughter for you is happiness; laughter for me is hiding Agony;
A statement from you is decision; statement from me is juvenile;
A relation of you is sacred; a relation of me is sacrifice;
A smile from you to me is caring; a smile from me to you selfish;
Food you give me is Love; while what I cook is in return;
Your lies are innocence; mine Earthquake;
Your blood is red; my blood is white;
You get hurt; while Iam Smiling;
“Baby I've been here beforeI've seen this room and I've walked this floorI used to live alone before I knew yaI've seen your flag on the marble archBut love is not a victory marchIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”
Hallelujah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rejuvenated, full of spirit…….
Realizations and Truths surfacing the weak brain cells pumping in blood full of pure red….
While the Stars lay in their own way I fight them with God………
maybe victory just saw me in the crowd off lately….
and yet the Self lost somewhere……
Someone sent me a piece of art which now has added to the lost composure already slipping like sand……..
Demons “Good morning”
memories “flash back” ,
Anguish “Hello”…….
Hallelujah….by Jeff Buckley….
“There was a time when you let me knowWhat's really going on belowBut now you never show that to me do yaBut remember when I moved in youAnd the holy dove was moving tooAnd every breath we drew was HallelujahWell, maybe there's a God aboveBut all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot somebody who outdrew yaIt's not a cry that you hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”
Just as when things started to look better Ghosts appeared...
Tears moist the traded skin,
a sudden rush from the back doors fill in heart’s room with all dust and scratches…….
head turns sideways blowing hair cover eyes, blocking Vision …….
Red nerves bulge out in small eyes and white turns yellow ……..
warm drop rolls down……..
Just this morning yet a revelation took place……… just another call from Reality or so to say “Reality check”……………….
Will this ever stop………. Destiny is destined and Karma is ours……… who is to be hanged….. “Leaders are like Eagles …they fly alone” once my Hallelujah said ……you r wrong……… and again the storm from the Back doors reminded how right I was……
What I never understood…..
A long drive for you is an excursion; an long drive for me is escapism;
Laughter for you is happiness; laughter for me is hiding Agony;
A statement from you is decision; statement from me is juvenile;
A relation of you is sacred; a relation of me is sacrifice;
A smile from you to me is caring; a smile from me to you selfish;
Food you give me is Love; while what I cook is in return;
Your lies are innocence; mine Earthquake;
Your blood is red; my blood is white;
You get hurt; while Iam Smiling;
“Baby I've been here beforeI've seen this room and I've walked this floorI used to live alone before I knew yaI've seen your flag on the marble archBut love is not a victory marchIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”
Hallelujah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Invisible
Stood there; Time lapse;
The kinds where an object stands still and time moves on;
Time lapse; yes that’s what I said;
Crowd walks past me; fire walks within me;
I stand still;
The new generation of time lapse;
The new generation of Therapy;
He jumped to take a dive in deep waters;
Landed flat on chest hard water hitting his chest;
Punch of a lifetime;
Sat there….where I’ve been used to sitting for since I’ve been born…..ate the way it’s always been……
Heard what I always heard…………
Unplanned unwanted child of filth……… just invisible….
The blame game begins…….. “Welcome to the world of Master boy”;
Yet only this time the Blame game seemed so gentle…..
Just so gentle…….
Just this time the picture cleared to a higher horizon….
Virtue flashed;
One wishes to Elope and other to opposite of whatever Elope means…..” stupid P.J”
I wish to shout and weep……. I couldn’t……I wanted to get affected I couldn’t……..
Is it oblivious state of mind or have I achieved the FUCK ALL mother of numbness……
This is the first time when I am unable to write what’s in my head……..
I can’t write a song……… it’s just all so wrong…….. I tried to be for you……..but how much I will do………u take me in your arms……….is that the price u pay………..now what did I do wrong………I just want u to stay……….. I opened up my heart……..u emptied out all love……….i buried up my self……….u sold my bones and nails………
Now what did I do wrong……….i didn’t plan it this way……..its time my child on the play……
Your father’s all so wrong……let them blame me to stay…….. and I will fight for you……...i already lost my part………would u choose me to them…… or would u so go away……..
Yes tears are so alive…….fell so dead inside……... this battle’s not of sorts………. This battle is my life…….this battle is my life……this battle is my life………………….
The kinds where an object stands still and time moves on;
Time lapse; yes that’s what I said;
Crowd walks past me; fire walks within me;
I stand still;
The new generation of time lapse;
The new generation of Therapy;
He jumped to take a dive in deep waters;
Landed flat on chest hard water hitting his chest;
Punch of a lifetime;
Sat there….where I’ve been used to sitting for since I’ve been born…..ate the way it’s always been……
Heard what I always heard…………
Unplanned unwanted child of filth……… just invisible….
The blame game begins…….. “Welcome to the world of Master boy”;
Yet only this time the Blame game seemed so gentle…..
Just so gentle…….
Just this time the picture cleared to a higher horizon….
Virtue flashed;
One wishes to Elope and other to opposite of whatever Elope means…..” stupid P.J”
I wish to shout and weep……. I couldn’t……I wanted to get affected I couldn’t……..
Is it oblivious state of mind or have I achieved the FUCK ALL mother of numbness……
This is the first time when I am unable to write what’s in my head……..
I can’t write a song……… it’s just all so wrong…….. I tried to be for you……..but how much I will do………u take me in your arms……….is that the price u pay………..now what did I do wrong………I just want u to stay……….. I opened up my heart……..u emptied out all love……….i buried up my self……….u sold my bones and nails………
Now what did I do wrong……….i didn’t plan it this way……..its time my child on the play……
Your father’s all so wrong……let them blame me to stay…….. and I will fight for you……...i already lost my part………would u choose me to them…… or would u so go away……..
Yes tears are so alive…….fell so dead inside……... this battle’s not of sorts………. This battle is my life…….this battle is my life……this battle is my life………………….
Monday, May 7, 2007
Most common amongst UNCOMMON
Moments…..
You’re like a raindrop falling down on me;
You’re running down my face so evenly….
I cant explain the things you do to me….
Ya you Unleash the beast inside of me,…..
I can’t describe…….
What you do to me;
You’re like a sweet wind blowing over me….
few words from Johan Gielen's Moments...........
Stiff neck.......Stiff head.....Stiff senses.......
i cant describe......
Finding Solace in a neverland;
Uncommon choices......... much known as Uncommon ME;
Times made me feel pride in being the common Man within the Uncommon community;
and times make me feel why cant i be the just common in common community;
why cant i just do the normal things everyone does?
why cant i like the most common relations existing?
Fall in love the way everyone does?
why cant i just take pleasure and not fragment every feeling while walking on that wet sand.....
why cant i see a wave as a wave and not see the emotion in that DAMN wave......
why simply i cant be a part of the " KHAO KHUJAO BATTI BUJHAO" Freternity....
why all this analysis.......just why?
Why this continous wait for a Miracle?
why this uncontrollable urge for a possible connection?
why its impossible to manupilate like you do?
why is it so Digusting for me to just do what they do?
why i cant limit my existance to Bread and butter, Sex and materialistic pleasures offered by The brands......
You’re like a raindrop falling down on me;
You’re running down my face so evenly….
I cant explain the things you do to me….
Ya you Unleash the beast inside of me,…..
I can’t describe…….
What you do to me;
You’re like a sweet wind blowing over me….
few words from Johan Gielen's Moments...........
Stiff neck.......Stiff head.....Stiff senses.......
i cant describe......
Finding Solace in a neverland;
Uncommon choices......... much known as Uncommon ME;
Times made me feel pride in being the common Man within the Uncommon community;
and times make me feel why cant i be the just common in common community;
why cant i just do the normal things everyone does?
why cant i like the most common relations existing?
Fall in love the way everyone does?
why cant i just take pleasure and not fragment every feeling while walking on that wet sand.....
why cant i see a wave as a wave and not see the emotion in that DAMN wave......
why simply i cant be a part of the " KHAO KHUJAO BATTI BUJHAO" Freternity....
why all this analysis.......just why?
Why this continous wait for a Miracle?
why this uncontrollable urge for a possible connection?
why its impossible to manupilate like you do?
why is it so Digusting for me to just do what they do?
why i cant limit my existance to Bread and butter, Sex and materialistic pleasures offered by The brands......
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Another Phone call
Shall we give up the hope for survival……
Not insane….not a psycho definitely……
Not a hurt or demented soul,
Not a twisted and tattered head…..
Not a looser to succumb to Death,
Just feel lost and broken,
Not that hatred was in demand,
Not that demoralization was demanded,
Neither escapism prioratised…..
Have faith in ourselves,
Have trust in GOD,
Ourselves is gone,
GOD prefers sycophants,
Remember the old college song….
”Losing my religion” in, a different light.
Seeing EVIL win over again and again in front of truth……. Seeing Rape rule sweet love…….
Not a rebel…..not a runner…..
A fighter wounded beyond healing,
Yet the day starts with its beauty…..Birds chirp canaringly…..sun shines defining horizon…….
All, for the SATAN and evil……
GOOD and GOD, truth and righteousness, Faith and trust………… just another barcode on the Bible……just another barcode…….
Maybe today is the day…….maybe today it’s the Union……..may be today I shall ask????
Maybe today I shall ask?
A Dead parsi lying in dead ….vultures snipping twiks and pieces of flesh…….no pain …….just no soul to feel pain……something has gone wrong somewhere……..
God has been lost somewhere……
I am lost somewhere….
Iam GOD just GOD and I have a barcode…….you can buy me…….with money you made……. No more Satanic Verses……..
Finding emotions, smiles in FLICKS,
Eyes swell as a couple passes by on a motorbike,
Heart numbs when he shares his cappuccino with her,
Arrogance and loath on faces,
Dried out mouth, chipped lips…..
Blank vision XRAY induced,
I was brave then my father was…… I just gave bravery….
Weak fingers temples ache…..
Ears reside in low hearing aid…..
The birth of youth or dread of age…..
Yet hope remains……
Music plays within my brain, stare at the white I try and refrain……
Lost and found……..just so profound……
Which genre of linguistic chauvinism I use……the literate self felt so abused….
For all the word Iam short of word today…….for all the excellence has betrayed me today…..for all the faith GOD left me today…..just like a disoriented lover from past…..
Energy less and so confused…… for me I was a LIZARD KING…… yet feel so Mule…yet feel so mule….yet feel so mule….
Not insane….not a psycho definitely……
Not a hurt or demented soul,
Not a twisted and tattered head…..
Not a looser to succumb to Death,
Just feel lost and broken,
Not that hatred was in demand,
Not that demoralization was demanded,
Neither escapism prioratised…..
Have faith in ourselves,
Have trust in GOD,
Ourselves is gone,
GOD prefers sycophants,
Remember the old college song….
”Losing my religion” in, a different light.
Seeing EVIL win over again and again in front of truth……. Seeing Rape rule sweet love…….
Not a rebel…..not a runner…..
A fighter wounded beyond healing,
Yet the day starts with its beauty…..Birds chirp canaringly…..sun shines defining horizon…….
All, for the SATAN and evil……
GOOD and GOD, truth and righteousness, Faith and trust………… just another barcode on the Bible……just another barcode…….
Maybe today is the day…….maybe today it’s the Union……..may be today I shall ask????
Maybe today I shall ask?
A Dead parsi lying in dead ….vultures snipping twiks and pieces of flesh…….no pain …….just no soul to feel pain……something has gone wrong somewhere……..
God has been lost somewhere……
I am lost somewhere….
Iam GOD just GOD and I have a barcode…….you can buy me…….with money you made……. No more Satanic Verses……..
Finding emotions, smiles in FLICKS,
Eyes swell as a couple passes by on a motorbike,
Heart numbs when he shares his cappuccino with her,
Arrogance and loath on faces,
Dried out mouth, chipped lips…..
Blank vision XRAY induced,
I was brave then my father was…… I just gave bravery….
Weak fingers temples ache…..
Ears reside in low hearing aid…..
The birth of youth or dread of age…..
Yet hope remains……
Music plays within my brain, stare at the white I try and refrain……
Lost and found……..just so profound……
Which genre of linguistic chauvinism I use……the literate self felt so abused….
For all the word Iam short of word today…….for all the excellence has betrayed me today…..for all the faith GOD left me today…..just like a disoriented lover from past…..
Energy less and so confused…… for me I was a LIZARD KING…… yet feel so Mule…yet feel so mule….yet feel so mule….