Stood there; Time lapse;
The kinds where an object stands still and time moves on;
Time lapse; yes that’s what I said;
Crowd walks past me; fire walks within me;
I stand still;
The new generation of time lapse;
The new generation of Therapy;
He jumped to take a dive in deep waters;
Landed flat on chest hard water hitting his chest;
Punch of a lifetime;
Sat there….where I’ve been used to sitting for since I’ve been born…..ate the way it’s always been……
Heard what I always heard…………
Unplanned unwanted child of filth……… just invisible….
The blame game begins…….. “Welcome to the world of Master boy”;
Yet only this time the Blame game seemed so gentle…..
Just so gentle…….
Just this time the picture cleared to a higher horizon….
Virtue flashed;
One wishes to Elope and other to opposite of whatever Elope means…..” stupid P.J”
I wish to shout and weep……. I couldn’t……I wanted to get affected I couldn’t……..
Is it oblivious state of mind or have I achieved the FUCK ALL mother of numbness……
This is the first time when I am unable to write what’s in my head……..
I can’t write a song……… it’s just all so wrong…….. I tried to be for you……..but how much I will do………u take me in your arms……….is that the price u pay………..now what did I do wrong………I just want u to stay……….. I opened up my heart……..u emptied out all love……….i buried up my self……….u sold my bones and nails………
Now what did I do wrong……….i didn’t plan it this way……..its time my child on the play……
Your father’s all so wrong……let them blame me to stay…….. and I will fight for you……...i already lost my part………would u choose me to them…… or would u so go away……..
Yes tears are so alive…….fell so dead inside……... this battle’s not of sorts………. This battle is my life…….this battle is my life……this battle is my life………………….
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Most common amongst UNCOMMON
Moments…..
You’re like a raindrop falling down on me;
You’re running down my face so evenly….
I cant explain the things you do to me….
Ya you Unleash the beast inside of me,…..
I can’t describe…….
What you do to me;
You’re like a sweet wind blowing over me….
few words from Johan Gielen's Moments...........
Stiff neck.......Stiff head.....Stiff senses.......
i cant describe......
Finding Solace in a neverland;
Uncommon choices......... much known as Uncommon ME;
Times made me feel pride in being the common Man within the Uncommon community;
and times make me feel why cant i be the just common in common community;
why cant i just do the normal things everyone does?
why cant i like the most common relations existing?
Fall in love the way everyone does?
why cant i just take pleasure and not fragment every feeling while walking on that wet sand.....
why cant i see a wave as a wave and not see the emotion in that DAMN wave......
why simply i cant be a part of the " KHAO KHUJAO BATTI BUJHAO" Freternity....
why all this analysis.......just why?
Why this continous wait for a Miracle?
why this uncontrollable urge for a possible connection?
why its impossible to manupilate like you do?
why is it so Digusting for me to just do what they do?
why i cant limit my existance to Bread and butter, Sex and materialistic pleasures offered by The brands......
You’re like a raindrop falling down on me;
You’re running down my face so evenly….
I cant explain the things you do to me….
Ya you Unleash the beast inside of me,…..
I can’t describe…….
What you do to me;
You’re like a sweet wind blowing over me….
few words from Johan Gielen's Moments...........
Stiff neck.......Stiff head.....Stiff senses.......
i cant describe......
Finding Solace in a neverland;
Uncommon choices......... much known as Uncommon ME;
Times made me feel pride in being the common Man within the Uncommon community;
and times make me feel why cant i be the just common in common community;
why cant i just do the normal things everyone does?
why cant i like the most common relations existing?
Fall in love the way everyone does?
why cant i just take pleasure and not fragment every feeling while walking on that wet sand.....
why cant i see a wave as a wave and not see the emotion in that DAMN wave......
why simply i cant be a part of the " KHAO KHUJAO BATTI BUJHAO" Freternity....
why all this analysis.......just why?
Why this continous wait for a Miracle?
why this uncontrollable urge for a possible connection?
why its impossible to manupilate like you do?
why is it so Digusting for me to just do what they do?
why i cant limit my existance to Bread and butter, Sex and materialistic pleasures offered by The brands......
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Another Phone call
Shall we give up the hope for survival……
Not insane….not a psycho definitely……
Not a hurt or demented soul,
Not a twisted and tattered head…..
Not a looser to succumb to Death,
Just feel lost and broken,
Not that hatred was in demand,
Not that demoralization was demanded,
Neither escapism prioratised…..
Have faith in ourselves,
Have trust in GOD,
Ourselves is gone,
GOD prefers sycophants,
Remember the old college song….
”Losing my religion” in, a different light.
Seeing EVIL win over again and again in front of truth……. Seeing Rape rule sweet love…….
Not a rebel…..not a runner…..
A fighter wounded beyond healing,
Yet the day starts with its beauty…..Birds chirp canaringly…..sun shines defining horizon…….
All, for the SATAN and evil……
GOOD and GOD, truth and righteousness, Faith and trust………… just another barcode on the Bible……just another barcode…….
Maybe today is the day…….maybe today it’s the Union……..may be today I shall ask????
Maybe today I shall ask?
A Dead parsi lying in dead ….vultures snipping twiks and pieces of flesh…….no pain …….just no soul to feel pain……something has gone wrong somewhere……..
God has been lost somewhere……
I am lost somewhere….
Iam GOD just GOD and I have a barcode…….you can buy me…….with money you made……. No more Satanic Verses……..
Finding emotions, smiles in FLICKS,
Eyes swell as a couple passes by on a motorbike,
Heart numbs when he shares his cappuccino with her,
Arrogance and loath on faces,
Dried out mouth, chipped lips…..
Blank vision XRAY induced,
I was brave then my father was…… I just gave bravery….
Weak fingers temples ache…..
Ears reside in low hearing aid…..
The birth of youth or dread of age…..
Yet hope remains……
Music plays within my brain, stare at the white I try and refrain……
Lost and found……..just so profound……
Which genre of linguistic chauvinism I use……the literate self felt so abused….
For all the word Iam short of word today…….for all the excellence has betrayed me today…..for all the faith GOD left me today…..just like a disoriented lover from past…..
Energy less and so confused…… for me I was a LIZARD KING…… yet feel so Mule…yet feel so mule….yet feel so mule….
Not insane….not a psycho definitely……
Not a hurt or demented soul,
Not a twisted and tattered head…..
Not a looser to succumb to Death,
Just feel lost and broken,
Not that hatred was in demand,
Not that demoralization was demanded,
Neither escapism prioratised…..
Have faith in ourselves,
Have trust in GOD,
Ourselves is gone,
GOD prefers sycophants,
Remember the old college song….
”Losing my religion” in, a different light.
Seeing EVIL win over again and again in front of truth……. Seeing Rape rule sweet love…….
Not a rebel…..not a runner…..
A fighter wounded beyond healing,
Yet the day starts with its beauty…..Birds chirp canaringly…..sun shines defining horizon…….
All, for the SATAN and evil……
GOOD and GOD, truth and righteousness, Faith and trust………… just another barcode on the Bible……just another barcode…….
Maybe today is the day…….maybe today it’s the Union……..may be today I shall ask????
Maybe today I shall ask?
A Dead parsi lying in dead ….vultures snipping twiks and pieces of flesh…….no pain …….just no soul to feel pain……something has gone wrong somewhere……..
God has been lost somewhere……
I am lost somewhere….
Iam GOD just GOD and I have a barcode…….you can buy me…….with money you made……. No more Satanic Verses……..
Finding emotions, smiles in FLICKS,
Eyes swell as a couple passes by on a motorbike,
Heart numbs when he shares his cappuccino with her,
Arrogance and loath on faces,
Dried out mouth, chipped lips…..
Blank vision XRAY induced,
I was brave then my father was…… I just gave bravery….
Weak fingers temples ache…..
Ears reside in low hearing aid…..
The birth of youth or dread of age…..
Yet hope remains……
Music plays within my brain, stare at the white I try and refrain……
Lost and found……..just so profound……
Which genre of linguistic chauvinism I use……the literate self felt so abused….
For all the word Iam short of word today…….for all the excellence has betrayed me today…..for all the faith GOD left me today…..just like a disoriented lover from past…..
Energy less and so confused…… for me I was a LIZARD KING…… yet feel so Mule…yet feel so mule….yet feel so mule….
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
The DOOR
The large huge door,
One side the crowd and other side the monument.
The monument excites them.
They enter that door.
They see the monument.
They praise it.
Make dreams and visions of it.
Envision the monument as a part of life.
The door sees it all.
How people come and go.
For the DOOR the time has stood still forever.
For the DOOR there is no heart.
For the DOOR cannot feel the pain.
For the DOOR stands there for ages in anticipation of someone looking at him with love and honor..
And the DOOR is just a DOOR......
As my friend Jim once said....."There is known and there is unknown...in between there's doors.
Iam DOOR.......
1.58 pm....01/05/2007.
One side the crowd and other side the monument.
The monument excites them.
They enter that door.
They see the monument.
They praise it.
Make dreams and visions of it.
Envision the monument as a part of life.
The door sees it all.
How people come and go.
For the DOOR the time has stood still forever.
For the DOOR there is no heart.
For the DOOR cannot feel the pain.
For the DOOR stands there for ages in anticipation of someone looking at him with love and honor..
And the DOOR is just a DOOR......
As my friend Jim once said....."There is known and there is unknown...in between there's doors.
Iam DOOR.......
1.58 pm....01/05/2007.
Independence
One of those morning’s….. Good Morning….
When the KARMA….. Comes face to face…… screams!!! Shouts …..
All plans were defined …. Attainable Glory…. Achievable success!!!!!!!
Where did what go wrong???????????
Some blame the KARMA….. Some STARS…..Some ME….
Flash of DEATH…..or DEAD….. Do I give up today?
A second consisting of millions of Nano seconds……every nano second with a new thought….every new thought with another million versions…..
Permanent Mental block……… a situation where one’s head stops to think rationally….Fear clouds over…… no solution……. No way out…….. Phone call to the astrologer…..”Hoping for a miracle…for an unanswered solution” sick of this blame game……can’t see anything working out…..can’t figure out how and why there is no solution…… cannot take this humiliation and soul ripping anymore…… and DIE …. My responsibility does not permit….. Can’t live those vultures not permit…
Son….. Let GOD decide the best for you…… leave it on GOD…… when all the doors are closed and smoke fills in each crevice and corner then GOD holds your hand and guides you…..
How long will GOD wait until GOD sees this despair situation….. DID I ask for a possible MIRACLE…..? No!!!! NOT AT ALL…… simple course of results of our actions ….. Why can’t it just be normal……. Who asked for a HEROIC story ……… I have to pay salaries…… I have to pay bills…… I have to pay them VULTURES….. I have to eat………cannot arrange the Fees for my Child’s education…..cannot figure out anything……it’s just so DARK in here……….
Something will happen….. You performed your act and duties….let GOD be the one now…….. Astrologically your Position is not GOOD…… then why my family should suffer my planets….Don’t they have their own one’s…….. I took chances and risks……it should be only my troubles and my sorrows….. Why them ……
The limits have crossed….. The regime is lost…… confidence alive and hope survives…….Iam DEAD but ME Decides……No answers!!! No Solutions……who wanted they got…….. Utilised whores…….. Utilised ME….lie open eyed Naked Dead bodies still breathing ….. Blistered inside and soul……. Ground repeatedly ….. Sour bleeding emotions………legs wide spread……. Dry tears……. Moaning of mourn providing rhythmic acoustics for Rapists moans….. No water to wash this crime…… no water to clear this smell……no water to sooth what tore….yes GOD is there……I saw GOD….. Eyes motor functions but they don’t close…… I See GOD….. The bad breath hits my face again…. The evil hunger hits my eye again….up and down……blocking VISION…unblocking vision….. I See GOD….I don’t see GOD….I see GOD …. I don’t see GOD…..
Another day the vulture flies….. Another day the sharks they bite…..another day I have to survive….another day I have to survive…..
Vision of Sun clear, vision of Glory waiting……… Dreams clausterfobic…… achievements GOD’S GRACE….
When the KARMA….. Comes face to face…… screams!!! Shouts …..
All plans were defined …. Attainable Glory…. Achievable success!!!!!!!
Where did what go wrong???????????
Some blame the KARMA….. Some STARS…..Some ME….
Flash of DEATH…..or DEAD….. Do I give up today?
A second consisting of millions of Nano seconds……every nano second with a new thought….every new thought with another million versions…..
Permanent Mental block……… a situation where one’s head stops to think rationally….Fear clouds over…… no solution……. No way out…….. Phone call to the astrologer…..”Hoping for a miracle…for an unanswered solution” sick of this blame game……can’t see anything working out…..can’t figure out how and why there is no solution…… cannot take this humiliation and soul ripping anymore…… and DIE …. My responsibility does not permit….. Can’t live those vultures not permit…
Son….. Let GOD decide the best for you…… leave it on GOD…… when all the doors are closed and smoke fills in each crevice and corner then GOD holds your hand and guides you…..
How long will GOD wait until GOD sees this despair situation….. DID I ask for a possible MIRACLE…..? No!!!! NOT AT ALL…… simple course of results of our actions ….. Why can’t it just be normal……. Who asked for a HEROIC story ……… I have to pay salaries…… I have to pay bills…… I have to pay them VULTURES….. I have to eat………cannot arrange the Fees for my Child’s education…..cannot figure out anything……it’s just so DARK in here……….
Something will happen….. You performed your act and duties….let GOD be the one now…….. Astrologically your Position is not GOOD…… then why my family should suffer my planets….Don’t they have their own one’s…….. I took chances and risks……it should be only my troubles and my sorrows….. Why them ……
The limits have crossed….. The regime is lost…… confidence alive and hope survives…….Iam DEAD but ME Decides……No answers!!! No Solutions……who wanted they got…….. Utilised whores…….. Utilised ME….lie open eyed Naked Dead bodies still breathing ….. Blistered inside and soul……. Ground repeatedly ….. Sour bleeding emotions………legs wide spread……. Dry tears……. Moaning of mourn providing rhythmic acoustics for Rapists moans….. No water to wash this crime…… no water to clear this smell……no water to sooth what tore….yes GOD is there……I saw GOD….. Eyes motor functions but they don’t close…… I See GOD….. The bad breath hits my face again…. The evil hunger hits my eye again….up and down……blocking VISION…unblocking vision….. I See GOD….I don’t see GOD….I see GOD …. I don’t see GOD…..
Another day the vulture flies….. Another day the sharks they bite…..another day I have to survive….another day I have to survive…..
Vision of Sun clear, vision of Glory waiting……… Dreams clausterfobic…… achievements GOD’S GRACE….
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Twp point Mission: Envisioning the Mississippi Train……
Poles apart….pink Floyd….the Division bell…….
Misinterpreted, as a love track, sad song by many,…..but a song ,based on the after World War II.
My friend calls me; what the fuck is wrong with you……..u can’t afford a distraction…..!!!!!!!!!!
You got to stick to your TWO POINT THEORY….
Iam not distracted…..it happened……..it was raining that night and the door was open….cool moist breeze hit my face and I was chatting with her…….something happened….that moment just stayed…..
You are losing it boss; you already have enough up your sleeve, u can’t afford another 10 kilos of weight on your legs to slow yourself down……GET OF IT YOU FUCK…
What can I say…….if it happened it must be destined…every union has a purpose….a life and an end…..
How long have you been chatting with her;
A week;
And you claim already that Ur in love????????????????
Sort off
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Nothing…I guess I land up making the weirdest choices…that’s why u are my friend “MY FRIEND”
She’s a kid, in front of you, dude…..possible she haven’t even reached her puberty….and u already have attained the prime…..probably cum more than her total number of days on this planet…are you a psycho or what……are u on drugs????? She’s gonna spit you like a flavorless chewing Gum…..what the hell even Iam saying…… listen pal…she won’t even come close to the ACHE you are in … she probably has seen things like these in FLICKS…..that’s it…
I feel she loves me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever man,…..don’t call me tomorrow down with half a bottle of scotch……
Hey I understand….let me clear it out with her……….pls….Iam not forgetting my TWO POINT MISSION….i just can’t get her out of my system….inflicted and infected by her eyes….her brain….. She is the one….
It’s your choice after all……anyhow got to go…have to attend BABA RAMDEV’S camp early morning….
Bye.
Midnight blues……receive a track from her “Mississippi train”
Epitome of togetherness………in quite moments of pauses I remain….truly yours……and smiles of that youth full love air surrounds me again….visit her profile and enlarge her photo ….stare stare stare…..fall fall fall… love songs from all genres surround me…….. Time goes by…..and Luis Armstrong plays “as time goes by”
Bliss eternity……
Internet connection disconnected….reconnect tripping of the chair…..
Do you love me…….
And here it goes….
Morning glorifies…….online on her profile page….
A nice note of thanks on her about me section……..changed her DP…..changed her write up…..
It about time……I gather myself together……….
My TWO POINT MISSION waiting for me…..
Just one of those moments of heavenly NUMBNESS…… back to my Classic regulars and black coffee….
A smile decorates this unshaven 7 by 12….
Another E-mail from the community for suggestion..
Good morning…
Yet again I burry the last week just like one in past……
With yet another promise….of remaining a friend………………….
DAMN…..so fuckin college….
So fuckin college……….
I log off her face in my eyes…..her name on my lips…… and her words in my ears “I ADORE THEE”
One more name deleted from expecting call on my birthday……
Misinterpreted, as a love track, sad song by many,…..but a song ,based on the after World War II.
My friend calls me; what the fuck is wrong with you……..u can’t afford a distraction…..!!!!!!!!!!
You got to stick to your TWO POINT THEORY….
Iam not distracted…..it happened……..it was raining that night and the door was open….cool moist breeze hit my face and I was chatting with her…….something happened….that moment just stayed…..
You are losing it boss; you already have enough up your sleeve, u can’t afford another 10 kilos of weight on your legs to slow yourself down……GET OF IT YOU FUCK…
What can I say…….if it happened it must be destined…every union has a purpose….a life and an end…..
How long have you been chatting with her;
A week;
And you claim already that Ur in love????????????????
Sort off
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Nothing…I guess I land up making the weirdest choices…that’s why u are my friend “MY FRIEND”
She’s a kid, in front of you, dude…..possible she haven’t even reached her puberty….and u already have attained the prime…..probably cum more than her total number of days on this planet…are you a psycho or what……are u on drugs????? She’s gonna spit you like a flavorless chewing Gum…..what the hell even Iam saying…… listen pal…she won’t even come close to the ACHE you are in … she probably has seen things like these in FLICKS…..that’s it…
I feel she loves me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever man,…..don’t call me tomorrow down with half a bottle of scotch……
Hey I understand….let me clear it out with her……….pls….Iam not forgetting my TWO POINT MISSION….i just can’t get her out of my system….inflicted and infected by her eyes….her brain….. She is the one….
It’s your choice after all……anyhow got to go…have to attend BABA RAMDEV’S camp early morning….
Bye.
Midnight blues……receive a track from her “Mississippi train”
Epitome of togetherness………in quite moments of pauses I remain….truly yours……and smiles of that youth full love air surrounds me again….visit her profile and enlarge her photo ….stare stare stare…..fall fall fall… love songs from all genres surround me…….. Time goes by…..and Luis Armstrong plays “as time goes by”
Bliss eternity……
Internet connection disconnected….reconnect tripping of the chair…..
Do you love me…….
And here it goes….
Morning glorifies…….online on her profile page….
A nice note of thanks on her about me section……..changed her DP…..changed her write up…..
It about time……I gather myself together……….
My TWO POINT MISSION waiting for me…..
Just one of those moments of heavenly NUMBNESS…… back to my Classic regulars and black coffee….
A smile decorates this unshaven 7 by 12….
Another E-mail from the community for suggestion..
Good morning…
Yet again I burry the last week just like one in past……
With yet another promise….of remaining a friend………………….
DAMN…..so fuckin college….
So fuckin college……….
I log off her face in my eyes…..her name on my lips…… and her words in my ears “I ADORE THEE”
One more name deleted from expecting call on my birthday……
Friday, April 13, 2007
weakest are the reason for Power......
I try to understand...;
Who are these Leaders....Philosophers......or these Brands the world follows ... oh no not world..... masses..?
Are they really Leaders or are we followers.... I think ....
Who gives them the right to lead us......are they that special......what special feature do they have ??
Probably nothing........ nothing at all but the power of Oration....and Belief..
Not Good or bad....belief is belief..........for them Good for someone else Bad...
its our weakness which makes them leaders........ its us followers who follow them.....cause we fear to stand up on our own......
an opinion can be the thought process of a community......how can be an opinion be the Prerogative of one and felloship of millions......
Its our fear which allows them to over power us...
They become the niche casue we choose to remain cished................
Who are these Leaders....Philosophers......or these Brands the world follows ... oh no not world..... masses..?
Are they really Leaders or are we followers.... I think ....
Who gives them the right to lead us......are they that special......what special feature do they have ??
Probably nothing........ nothing at all but the power of Oration....and Belief..
Not Good or bad....belief is belief..........for them Good for someone else Bad...
its our weakness which makes them leaders........ its us followers who follow them.....cause we fear to stand up on our own......
an opinion can be the thought process of a community......how can be an opinion be the Prerogative of one and felloship of millions......
Its our fear which allows them to over power us...
They become the niche casue we choose to remain cished................