KingFisher Airlines

Kingfisher Airlines….

Since I have shifted to Bombay (I prefer saying it Bombay, gives that familiar sound……..)..Anyhow, due to shifting base from Delhi to Bombay I have to shuffle between the cities at least on an average twice a week.

Now with this kind of frequency one gets frustrated with the entire airport scene……I mean I have stopped buying the tickets in advance as I never know when I will need to rush again. With this kind of frequency I have traveled by almost every airline available in India. And like every passenger even I made my opinions about the service and comparison in service along with the pricing and overall experience…..

KINGFISHER AIRLINES … Definitely Kingfisher airlines……..

When the company had launched their services I was probably the first one to pick up their ticket just to have an experience. There were various reasons why I or any other passenger got attracted to this airline…..
Inspiration Icon Mr. Vijay Malaya, the man behind the concept..
Well dressed and pleasant looking Air hostesses.
Pleasing ground staff.
Great food.
Airport luggage service.
And the best feature….In Flight Entertainment system.

Let me inform the readers….Kingfisher is not a cheap airline company. While one can avail a ticket from Go-Air, Indigo, Indian Airlines etc between 1900 – 3750, Kingfisher offers you the similar ticket on similar times for around 1000-5000 more.

As a customer I agree that the kind of added services provided by Kingfisher Airlines the hike in price in comparison to other companies is quite justified. But the point here is is Kingfisher Airlines really providing all these services.

“NO”.

In past lets say around 3 months back the quality of service was great. A little bit here and there but as a customer who is spending 20-40% extra on air travel with this company I didn’t have any reason to complain.

Only in recent times or I should say since last 2 months where in I must have used their services for a minimum of 6-7 times at least, their services have been from BAD to WORSE to HORRIBLE…….

Initially the fall in the quality of staff was visible in the form communication skills.
The in flight staff’s speech skills were way below standards. Their spoken language be it English or Hindi was not clear, confidence level had started to show signs of going below levels acceptable, and coordination of the time between the safety announcement to serving the food till the Good bye’s was way out of order.

The first thing any passenger does as soon as they take their places is to check for a new paper or In-flight magazine. Now not once, twice or thrice but for at least 5-6 times I have seen no news paper, or the in-flight magazine. I understand that the passengers take the magazines at times and the stock at times could be up or down during the end of the month. But today is 5th of November 2007??? “Hello”….

Food, one of the most integral part of air travel…times have gone where passenger use to get to fly once in their lifetime. Now days with the economic change and various other reasons regular travelers are giving more business to any individual airlines then Random travelers. With this regularity we travelers tend to make our own Patronage and familiarize ourselves to the airline company where a standard is followed and we know that what we will get or see. Now again KF has greatly ignored their food quality since the same duration as the other stuff has started to deteriorate. As i type I am sampling the Vegetarian meal I have been served and I must say my assumption was not wrong even this time. The food SUCKS…..the rice is dry and seems that someone has forgotten to boil it, there are some sort of cutlets which again are only some sort of cause they have no taste at all…… the Dal is alright…….the salad has shredded cabbage leaves…..the desert is a cold gulabjamun dipped in some God For-saken syrup which tastes like a dessert full of chemicalised additives.

Overall the food is way below any standard. “I guess the guy at the procurement department is heavily involved in filling his/her pockets.

Time and again I have sent out the membership forms but till date no card has arrived.

Last but not the least and the main reason which forced me to write this……the ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM.

Now this is the 4rth time that I have a black screen in front of me……I remember the last conversation with my friend before boarding the flight ……she asked me why do you choose kingfisher….and my answer was “I love to laugh for 2 hours as they have this TV. thing in flight”….

I am a businessman myself and I know what it takes to satisfy a customer and to start with to build up and customer base. Mr. Malaya has definitely succeeded in creating that…but I feel that the speed of gaining the customer base multiply that by 2 and you have the answer……that’s the speed at which they are going to loose their customers if a strict action is not taken.

While the CHAIRMAN is busy partying away to Glory his officers in Purchase I guess are having all the fun or they have joined forces with competitors.

I am not looking for any compensation for BAD TIMES due to the KING OF GOOD TIMES,
Neither am I here to point a finger at the company for fun sakes.

I don’t need anything and I already have many options to choose from….specially JET AIRWAYS is my choice from now for at least there is a certain consistency in their services.

I have placed King Fisher as one of the most sought out brands. With the situation today with kingfisher ………..hmmmmm…..God Bless them…….

Parivertan

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

खाने की मेज़ पर एक बदती हुई गिनती,

पल भर के एहसास के लिए वो शक्स,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

खुशबू का वो हिस्सः जो मेहेकता नही,

जिस्म का वो अंग जो धरकता नही,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

भीर्ड़ में वो अकेला,

शतरंज का वो मोहरा,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

मिटने का ना गम, क्टने का न रोष,

लाखों लाशों में जो जले,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

कब्रों के नीचें हो जिसकी क्बर,

न कोई मुस्कराहट न कोई दर्द,

Na koi yaad na koi khabar,

में हूँ वो रौशनी जो कभी दिखती नही,

में हूँ वो अँधेरा जो कभी छ्टेगा नही,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

सरक का व्हो पत्थर जो न राह दिखाए ….

में हूँ वो सपना जो कभी दिखेगा नही,

न कभी किसी के सपने का हिस्सा बनूँगा,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

किताब का व्हो खाली पन्ना जीसका का कोई नाम नही,

वो आहट हूँ जिसकी कोई आवाज नही,

वो चाहत हूँ जो किसी की चाहत नहीं…

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

होली के रंग में रंगो बेरंग, हो जाऊंगा,

काला हूँ तुम साब को समां जाऊंगा,

आए मेरे मौला मुझे फना जब करे,

कुछ ऐसा कर के मेरी राख जो उरे,

किसी के झुटे बर्तनों पे जा लगे,

मरने के बाद भी उसको साफ कर जाऊंगा,

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बड़ाता हूँ……

में वो परिवेर्तन हूँ जो सिर्फ गिनती बरःता हूँ……

Everything Changes..................

Everything changes...if i could.......

.Burning

yet again !!!!!!!!!!!

I burn, burning again.....

Defy virtue;

I burn, burning again,

Getting Oblivious;

I burn, burning again.....

Red eyes;

I burn, burning again.....

Quest of breaking cycles.....

Cycles of the Living;

I burn, burning again.....

The culprit Punished,

The Crime solved........

When does this life forgive me......

Pardon me for no crime at all......

I burn, burning again.....

King of yester years.......

Slave yet remains.......

Chains in agony.......

Slitting the skin........

Blood remains clot......

Graving a 6 by 6 slot......

Learned were never them…..

Unstoppable Mayhem……

Nailing us who fold…..

Thy hands and behold……

Red sheets smell……

Precipitate my soul……

Dreams laugh……

Solidarity claps…..

Is it me…….or is it my Epiphany………..

I burn, burning again……………….

Street Spirit

Rows of houses

all bearing down on me

I can feel their blue hands touching me

All these things in all positions

All these things will one day take control

And fade out again and fade out

This machine will will not communicate these thoughts

And the strain I am under

Be a world child form a circle before

we all go underAnd fade out again

and fade out again

Cracked eggs dead birds

Scream as they fight for life

I can feel death can see

it’s beady eyes

All these things into frution

All these things we’ll one day swallow whole

And fade out again and fade out again.

Laptop

my son has almost Forgotten that he has a father........

i heard his voice after few weeks today...........

today he is 3 years 5 months and one day old.......... i remember till the time he was with me we use to celebrate his birthday everymonth...........

today he told me he learnt "monday , tuesday " in school......and i said "even papa knows it beta.......

he thought iam asking him to give the phone to my father........so he gave the phone to him and ran off.......

and my dad asked me .....is there anything else? ...

and in my low voice i said no dad.........

before anything i heard the phone getting disconnected.........

Beggar

thanks...........

Random Visitor

certain feelings and comments are never spoken.........

leading to MYSTERY........

Mystery leads to a possible suspence......

suspence leads to doubt.......

Doubt turns to belief......

when i was young i was taught that if silence can lead into saving somethng then be silent.......

at times words exchanged can lead to a brawl and disaster........

so i became silent and widrew my self from a situation.......

only to realise today that this silence has lead to a mother of all Blame.........

Am i complaining ?

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........

Quite use to it....... was definately hurt.......actually very hurt.....but i am laughing now......

its ok.......... my intention is best known to me so i dont have any reason to feel bad.........

the point is i have a lot to handle hence iam gonna close my doors............

just in between...........

this goes to a very dear friend............"God is God........if you were so powerfull to be in control then you wouldnt be sad at all......"

yet again to this friend and to all the people..............."God Bless You".

The smile shall remain.......

I always say “Lost my Virginity to Capitalism”,

Many people think it’s a Heavy thought out Phrase of a not- so – sought out brain……..

Many people think it’s quite sexy and attention gainer sort of phrase…….

Few say it’s kind of Cool…. "them Dames like this kinda shit an all”

And many just pass by thinking it’s by some schizophrenic Brain dead psycho…..

People who are very close to me think that many people won’t understand why have I used this phrase for myself but shall find it quite intriguing…….

What was I thinking before I put such a statement online…….

Honestly I think I didn’t think anything at all……

The meaning of what I wrote is only well understood by me only…….

I have never blamed or regretted my birth in this world…..never….

Looking for Romance……..is all crime I commit…… Romance…..A terminology understood in all different forms and ways Romance…….a feeling just a blatant feeling……

The daily grind of and for money……..self satisfying egoistic issues…….Pizzas and Pastas, Armani and LV, Rolex ……..wines and wines……AND WINES……pretty faces and sexy Bods……hunks and hulks………lean and sheen……..cars and shares……….gays and gay………football and cricket……..wife and husband………woman and women….Man and men…….sexists and incest….. Spiritual Gurus and spiritual followers…….


“We sold our culture to a pair of jeans” this was a topic I got in school around 17 years back to prepare a Debate on…….

While today when my Banks call me and threaten me…….my son’s image flashes in front of my eyes now and again……the courtroom drama…..the police and society opinion…….i think…..i think what culture did I speak of then……..what pair of jeans did we sold our culture to……NOTHING…….

What has my vision getting Blur and my decisions and my family and my son and my sanity or insanity got anything to do with this obnoxious culture or that Bold stitched pair of Denims……..

God who wrote my destiny didn’t form this culture or the darn pair of jeans……..my actions and decisions had nothing to do with that either…………

Does this culture or this jeans care about the fact that my Son is not with me…….NO……

Iam loosing the clarity of thought, once I was proud off……..maybe only to regain my lost loose self again …..Maybe it’s the God’s will……….

I have realized this much that “I” has no value at all………

That this so called world is not working by our efforts……………

If only we had the power……..

Them Damn people who are on my back are there as it’s destined that way………

While driving to the office I received a sms……

While driving to the office I received a call……

Same people……same reasons……same yapping……

I guess more things to learn and accept………

Just that……

One can go a million miles and take a million sorrows in one’s stride……..but I guess the times have gone for a possible Gratitude………

Something I read and realized that it’s all for waste and Filth………

Iam not at fault…….no Iam not……. If people cannot possibly thank me or at least acknowledge my efforts and giving in then they were never worth it……….

its just not a good feeling that people only think of you in disgust or for monetary reasons.....

What goes around comes around………they shall someday………………

Some day………..

Realize……..

Like

I

Do

Today.

Mu hands are Folded

Itni Shakti Hamen De na DATA......Man Ka Vishwas Kamzor Ho na....

Hum Chalen Nek Raste Pe Humse....Bhool Kar Bhi Koi Bhool Ho Na......

Dear God,

i dont know how should one pray.......Going to the places of Worship or seeking your guidance within my heart?

I know you are reading every word i say and feel and speak......

Forgive my sins and help me Save the day.......

my family has gone through hell....... give me the wisdom and strength to save them.

i know what will happen will happen for good.

i dont know wo's fault or mistakes are to what quantam that we all are suffering so much......

but i do know that my heart is pure and intention honourable........

help me God...

this is my prayer.........

my hands Folded........

show me the way...........

show me the way.............

God Help me.....

How much can one take ?

i left in the morning for my office, my phone starts to ring.....regular calls from the banks and creditors........Debitors wont pick my phone ...........

everytime these phonecalls come i switch off completely..... my brain stops to work !

its kind of been a ritual now.....

iam not strong enough to del with these all when iam trying to work as much as possible.....

on the Personal front is kindof same, no matter how much hard iam trying to give in its just never enough.........

heart aching pointors are only the words thrown again and again and again at me........

My trouble shooting skills are giving up on me.....

My intake of harsh words and emotional distress is making me insane.......

My GOD knows that i have been honest and true...........

My GOD knows i am trying my best to work out something better with a special one......

I just feel consumed by all this and i dont feel i have strength anymore to handle this.....

i cant take all the calls at the same time anymore......

Please GOD help me.......

Pls Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont know how to answer what to answer when i recieve that distressed Phone call....... i myself am up till my neck and my reflexes for a nice conversation are no more working........

i really cant Deal with this all.............i cant.......i wish to ....but i cant........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wish i could empty my self to somone who would be listening to me for once and give me a solution..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If i could

Who am I?

Shut up!!!!!!

I want to shout and let myself out!!!

Who the fuck is you to do that?

Iam nobody……….iam here to answer your quarries…..iam here to hear you lash out………iam here to process my job but listen to you accusing me every time…..

Not this time …..Since long long years back…….i couldn’t speak then and I cant speak now……..i suck in so u can speak out………when shall I have anyone top hear me ? When shall I have anyone to comfort me……….when shall I have anyone to take my lashing ………NEVER and NO ONE.

Iam trying and I will try ….that’s what I have come to learn in due course of time…..iam dependent on everyone’s approvals, that’s what my virtue is……. Being questioned by nobody’s has become my Prerogative,

I don’t know how long will it go…… I surely don’t have the character to speak in front of them people……… I just lift up my bags once and for all and walk out……….iam holding till now……. I have walked out once……….but I guess it never mattered………. I did land up back again ….not for myself and My GOD knows not for me……..but then the situation plays us and DO us in the most unnatural positions don’t they?

I honestly confess…….. I do lay myself up for anyone who is important in my life…….and one thing I beg and need from them is RESPECT for me……….i never had it and I never will get it……….people who are full of attitude are the one’s perpetually surrounded by people like me respecting them as people like me don’t want other’s to feel bad…….but then people like me never ever get respect……or maybe I am the people and iam the masses without any name or without any value……

Iam a worker who will eventually do what it takes to make his bosses smile to be thrown a wad of currency notes at him and smile………….. and then I shall be asked what’s my real worth…………

Money : the most amazing bitch is money….it makes the world o round and round…..it takes you and breaks you……it provides you pleasure’s which cost you a lot and at times your own self………I had it al….. I lost it all…..i paid then ….and iam paying now……..i was “The” son and iam “the” son now…………only the caps have gone away……iam replaced with fresh happiness…………. Iam replaced with new life……….iam totally replaced……..the onion peal which protects the onion till the time it’s suppose to be consumed……….the peal is cut off and thrown away…………….

Iam sick and tired….sick of taking attitude …..Sick of being asked a million unwanted questions which rip me off my SELF……….. Iam feeling that any day this out burst is going to take place……….why should I be scared of this outburst………..if these so called important people really cared for me they would not throw their harsh words on me……knowing that I will take it without even speaking back…….. Today has just pushed me slightly towards my breakdown mode………….

I am going to refrain myself from involving myself in people who I really love or I have relationship with……………

I know I shall never have what I need……..i know I shall never know what I WANT……

But I do know that iam living for a reason which I can’t even touch…………..

The reason is costing my life……………

BUT IT’S WORTH IT……….

If only I could be a reason enough……………..

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyingAre the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circlesIt's a very, veryMad World Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child shouldSit and listen,
sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me,
look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell youI find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, veryMad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world Mad World.

one and a half hour of drive…….started at 8.50 am ………. Million thoughts and emotions…….. don’t know where this life is taking me.........tears non stop roll down my face…………feelings of disillusion slapping my face….

Got a call from my Home town……..my ex wife had beaten up my 3 and a half year old son and my father had to rush to save him……..he cried all night……. So did my father…….. The old man is helpless as his child is...….as my child is……..

Yesterday night has changed a lot for what I don’t know…..but it surely has……
All this while I had been under a major guilt but no more……. I have had been hearing blame and people I love and care accusing me all the time, but no more…..

In my own head Iam EVEN with my guilt today……. And Iam no more going to be or feel guilty of nothing……. Something last night has changed it all…….

Iam not going to take any shit anymore from anyone…….
Iam going to speak out as I realized that keeping shut only to make a situation clam never worked……

If people who love me realize my worth or value me then Iam there…..or else ADIOS……”never to meet again”

I don’t want any fucking MELODRAMA in my life anymore……
I won’t hear any non-sense from anyone anymore……

I have cared enough….if it doesn’t make any difference to anyone then it’s their fucking problem……

I won’t stop my associations with people whom I know just to give priority to any particular individual…….

I will never let any single person be a priority for me other then my son……..

I shall never ever discuss my past with anyone as no one is really worth it…….

No more conversation regarding my future as that is so fucking OBSOLETE…..

These people speak of regard who don’t know the meaning of it…….

If I can understand their fucking problems then why can’t they do it while fucking promising the world to me……..

I have never understood these people and surely I don’t wish to anymore……..

Invisible

Blame game , blame Game, blame game.......

Multiple Relations

someone asked me today "Vipul are multiple relations at the same time possible"

i asked him in what intensity.... it depends.....you can be in love with many people at the same time;

he said...no iam talking in respect that "i love my wife" and we have very good relation together. but at the same time i have an employee working in my office with whom i have a sexual relation since almost 2 years.....

hmmmmm so is that your wife is not being able to provide that part of a relation well?

not exactly true vipul.....its that that i really am attracted to this woman in my office and i dont feel anything other then sexual attraction with her and its similar with her;

so u mean you both just lay down on that fuckin office table and hump and grind and that's the end of story...right?

ofcourse we also are good friends and we understand each other well.

so u mean to say u r friends "Good friends" with her and you are fucking each other and there is no other feeling ? i mean if tomorrow if she finds another partner will it be okay with you...?

i wouldnt like it ofcourse.....cummon yaar you know how it is dont you?

no i dont know how it is.... as i dont indulge in multiple partners or lovers....... anyhow its your life and if you believe its ok then Great..........but theni know that you have much more in stock then just this , shoot your bastard and let the flow continue.....:)

ok.......i have couple of these online pals on facebook and Blog partners.....actually Vipul i never did this earlier but somehow i enjoy this...... and the problem is that i have around these 7-8 girls of all ages and i feel the same thing for all of them....... one is infact 48 years old and then there are like 22, 16, one is i guess 34 or 35 somethng.... i love chatting up with all of them ;

ok Great that's a news.....

why is it a news.....

continue....i shall speak later.....

nothing much yaar...its just i like being with all of them and iam sleeping with all of them......

ok how do you manage to sleep with all of them....i mean do u select that all the women you find should only be initiated if their mental state allows them to have a sexual relation with you?

actually yes........or else why would i waste my time with them....but it dosent mean that i dont love them.....you see i share a different self of mine with each of them....... like the girl in collage reminds me of my collage days.....and i do exactly the same things with her the way it was in collage....one is a journalist and i speak a lot of philosophy with her and our conversation can be of anything to everything....so it tingles my intellect self "phewwwwwwwww"

ok....... and how do you impress his philasopical dame dude...... what i know of you u cant differentiate a fucking cat from a horse........

ha ha ha arre bhai its easy........just leave a nice note on their profile or blog and if they reply its good or else there's always a next page........

ok................hmmmmmmmmmmm so do u have a blog yourself.....

no..... but tell me boss what do you think....am i wrong in feeling love with all of them at the same time, like i read it somewhere that its very natural to be in multiple relations at the same time .... "tu bata.........tereko kya lagta hai"

dekh boss iam in office so i will make it short and talk to u in the evening or in Delhi......but in short i believe that if iam in love with someone i shall be only in love with her and i wont have the similar feelings for anyone else...... i can definatly have a great close friend but i wont initiate any further new relation like the one's u have ....... checking out profiles or blogs or whatever these stupid systems provide.......infact i feel that even if someone is not of the same thought process these things help in fucking a great relation into shit and with the easyness in the

Confused

I have never been able to understand that is it me or is it my "BRAIN" which is Fucked.....that too "ROYALLY".

whatever i say with good intentions will always be taken in a negative way ensuring a difference in opinion........

iam unable to understand and i am fearing that iam unable to handle this regular communication error.......

what should i do to work it out right.........

??????????????????

Vision.................Virtue

“Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our
World”

Clear the clutter Vipul;
Make peace with your past;
Unless the past is dealt with properly the Present and Future will never be beautiful;
No more I want to be there for people who don’t value me;
No more Iam going to fuck my present with issues which I have pushed under the carpet;
My problem is I don’t know how to handle myself;
I don’t know where Iam going;
People walk into my life and walk out at their own whims and fancy;
I always wish to be with people, who would understand me and that’s, what Iam will stick to now;
Iam through with being the EAR and Mirror for everyone while I never receive anything close to acknowledgement for it;
I wish to do exactly what I wish to do and how I wish to do;
For more than 10 years the hunger and need for companionship has taken my peace away, tried giving in to best of my capabilities and things never worked out, guess the reason was that I never received much back. Isn’t life and relations like give and take? Then why is it that I keep my mouth shut and never able to speak what I truly feel and where what I don’t approve off;
I would give in to a situation to go away from a possible confrontation as I am scared of people walking out eventually leading to a volcano eruption throwing out LAVA leading to a complete CATSTROPHY ;
Why can’t I ever speak my mind in open and put my foot down;
Why am I so scared of letting my emotions and feeling out on the table and let the feeling of someone staying or leaving Go Off;
Why don’t I realize that eventually if someone stays with me would be because they accept me the way Iam and if they choose to pack their bags then they were never right for me?
Why is it so difficult to face that Courtroom Drama when I have faced worst?
Never ever I shall show my weakness in front of people….who make me feel cheap;

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.”

My life is no more my life……..my choice of family and friends are gonna be those with whom I think my son will be happy………anyone with whom I feel there is gonna be a bad vibe sorta thing towards my SON is out…..
I need to break free from the chains I have been drowning with now……unless I do that I shall never be able to clear my head and my fears are going to kill my present and future as well..
I shall give in my best for anything…….but if I don’t see a proper reciprocation I will not be there……enough of being around and taking crap…..
I won’t give shit and I definitely not gonna take it anymore……
Iam the way Iam…..tried changing it for everyone’s preference…..but no more…..if Iam stupid and childlike for someone, then I am that….so SUE me Fuckers…..
If my ways are too selfish and self related then it’s gonna be the same…….
My ways will only be mended if they are wrong for people I love and care about but that too in limits……
If I can’t be happy I cannot make anyone happy….and now is the time for the change…..i am gonna put a complete end to all non sense in my life once and for all……for this I need to re-gear myself up and face every issue from past in person and Get it out of my system forever………..
I need to rise above the miniscule things in life…..and rise up to life itself……………

Poles Apart

Did you know...

it was all going to go so wrong for you,

And did you see it was all going to be so right for me

Why did we tell you then

You were always the golden boy then

And that you'd never lose that light in your eyes

Hey you...

did you ever realise what you'd become

And did you see

that it wasn't only me

you were running from

Did you know all the time but it

never bothered you anyway

Leading the blind while I stared out the steel in your eyes

The rain fell slow,

down on all the roofs of uncertainty

I thought of you

and

the years and all the sadness fell away from me

And did you know...I never thought that you'd lose that light in your eyes...................................

The song haunts me through and through.............Another pink floyd's "Poles Apart"

Uncertainity is a pleague ;

Committment is a hunter ;

Association is Not so BLISS ;

Control is Freak ;

Freak is control ;

I have said again and again ..... iam SICK of understanding people........

I always land up realisation that "I" could never be a priority.........

I wish someday i wil be a Priority......

If i can keep myself Selfless.....may be i will be treated the same way too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chak-De-Phatte

life has a million ways to show up out of the blue.......... today i have changed something about myself for "US"....... today i realised that i have a capacity to take yet another chance with my life.

today i realised that happiness is a state of mind and if i want i can change it.....

today iam a part of a little chit chat where i find my prespective changed completely........

i am feeling great about how lucky iam to have a bunch of great souls around me.

iam feeling honoured and loved and cared by the Missing piece of me........

yesterday was a turning point for a lot of reasons.....

iam gonna change the oracle's statement and i shall do something which i have never done.....

i need all the best wishes of all who love me.....and blessings of My best friend "GOD"

as a good ol' Punjabi dude from my city would say


"Chak-De- Phatte"

Catastrophy

I always will be a Catastrophy.......................................

only if i went to a good ENGLISH LITERET EDUCATION...............

only if i had read Great Books.....

Only if i had heard my Dad always after me to study........

i shall thank myself......... i shall make my self happy..........i shall highlight my name for my self.......

Mindless Fuck....... nobody's BUM

i ve been shouting since morning on every body....... just blasted my agent off....... i am not liking myself...........

i just now while typing just blasted another person........

i have been outcast and iam not liking that.....

i am going back in my shell....

i will go back in my shell............

it feels good there......

it is a life i like.......... no smiles........no happiness.....just living the life as a ghost......... this is what i need..........................

Random Visitors

Off lately i realised that slowly and slowly my existence is diminishing from the place where i once thought it shall remain........................................ new names and new expressions have replaced this Delhiet.................


as usual........

Dreams

Big Dreams

Someone is chatting on phone for almost 4 hours…….discussing future , togetherness, life and its beauties…….4 years of stable relation……….creating another paradigm with Holy Matrimony………….new Platinum ring, diamond studded jewellery, new clothes, wedding planners, cards…….etc etc…………….

Never had a stable relation ……probably never will…………….. why do I feel incapable of providing……….why am I never the right one…………….why cant I ever be wanted the way they do and become a reason for someone’s happiness………… why is a great big question……………………………………..

I have my limitations……..never been able to be a reason for someone to feel good about……..i try….but maybe my trying is not enough…….or maybe my ways are never right…….i cannot make them laugh or maybe I can not make a difference enough so they snap out of a bad day’s effect.

I land up bothering them with my presence enough to make them hang up on me.

Today I feel envious of them who are lucky enough that they can bring smile and happiness of some loved one’s face….. Probably I shall be another sloppy past………………or maybe I may never have a chance to buy that diamond.

Iam scared of me…..……

Not that I make a mistake…… I probably am a mistake…………………………….

My epiphany is oblivious and I shall remain Oblivious epiphany……………………………….myself……………………………….

Been extremely selfish in last few days………

I started to think of a great good life for myself……….. Knowing its not possible…….. I forgot my son and my responsibilities towards him, I started to miss my work hours for my selfish self, I started to expect….EXPECT……………..a motherless child with a father not worth is wrath on me……but what to do…… I feel iam gonna cut myself again the way my past and time has taught me……….. I will never be able to bring happiness to him unless I kill mine……..iam selfish and that’s quite normal…………..

I am a jealous bastard who lands up destroying everything…………… I really need to get my act together for my son…..


Vipul needs to die if Rudraksha has to live……..

The breeze from the hills remind me of this world full of concrete hearts, millions of windows with millions of people….no hearts……. Sadness all around and no happy face………….

I am trying and I shall try to be able to be a minimal reason for someone’s smile……..
Randomness has taken my place and my existence…………not today but always….

Right or wrong…… good or bad…….. its taking my brain and sensibility for a fix…..

The feeling of being the one and yet no face at all is not quite a great feeling……..

I can never be the same vipul…..the new found me is worse………………….

I can never be my brother successful in his personal self……I cant be those happy people……….

As it was said once…. “Iam a sad man” and that I shall be ……

Eventually random hearts take my place…… they shall always do that…….forever…….

Rudraksha remains my reason…………I need to kill myself for him to survive…..and I shall do that………….. iam trying and nothing is working out………I need to and I cant…….my words don’t catch anyone’s fancy……my speech never did that either…..i am trying to search for my solace within my four walls……..my serenity remains in that scotch which I divorced long time back………..i need to have it back with me again………my Drink…..which did the job quite well…….

I am sick of understanding people………. I don’t wish to be ever understood either…………………

I feel sad and dis-oriented……….. I know it quite well………. It’s not anything else……just my human co-partners…..discovered that my ex-wife was stuffing mental illness tablets in my system……..at least she did something to me even it was hatred or murder………..at least if only someone hated me even…..iam unable to be anyone’s reason………..call it my Male fucking EGO or anything but whatever it is…..iam just dis-oriented……I know I am expecting from people to go out the way for me , but is that wrong ? don’t we want to feel loved and cared about……..

Iam sick of the epidemic called Human……or maybe the epidemic is me……

Yet again……

Self Indulgence

i just realised that i have a great ccapacity to destroy everything around me.......

orphanage

why am i scared ????????????????/// iam sorry vin..... i couldnt complete the task u gave me............

my mind is not working bhai.........

the problem is the fear........ i have been brought up in a fearfull atmosphere....all my childhood i have been living in fear............ and this fear stops me everytime i want to do something.......i still look for approvals......... hence as i said previously...... iam nobody.......one of my friends said....you have broken the chain we people are still trying to .........she is so wrong........iam still chained......and iam nobody to break.......iam too weak today............... iam so weak today............. i will eventually destroy everysingle thing my people have worked for.....why did i even took birth........i never asked.............probably if they would've picked up a child from Orphanage it would've been better..........................................

Devil..............................

not worth any thing............................. i cant handle relations.......................i cant handle my personal self......i cant handle my professional self....................... iam such a looser.........................my chest feels heavy............................i hear strange shouts in my ear..............
my vision is blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................................................i make people run away................iam the horror..........................the horror movie which is watched for inquisitiveness but it scares you......................................iam the Devil for who all are near and dear..................... stay away from me..........................................

Clausterphobic

Room with a view

Wellhe used to be a tailor,

Sewed those suits so fine

And he never heard a failure

And he never tasted wine.

And he used to be a leader

When he had someone to lead

And he used to be a father

When he had some mouths to feed

When he had some mouths to feed

And they say it never rains in L.A. county

But it gets cold enough to wish you had a few

And he laughs tonight and says:

I finally found me -A room with a view - how about you?

He was living in a castle that built with his own hands

Out of newspaper and cardboard he was living off the land

He was living off the landhe was living off the land

i miss my brother...........

miss you vasu....................... you have been the only true friend and brother...................... least i know you shall be there forever.................... least iam not an interesting profile or just another time pass...............................................................................................................for you.............. iam your brother.....and i shall be the only one in your life as a brother.........................

ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think straight………….. I cant,

Think right………………. What’s right,

Give in ………………… give out,

Live in ………………….live out,

Survive ……………….. exist,

Provide……………….. I beg,

Steroid…………………. I am,

Greif…………………….. I swallow,

Honour ……………………….. too shallow,

Timeless………………………….. time lapse,

Intellect ……………………. Forget !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Work……………………… dismay,

Sadness ……………………… Room mate,

Virtue ………………………. Lost,

Self ……………………… Ghost,

Iam ………………………… nothing,

Nothing ……………………… ha ha ha ha ha ;

This is the End..... my only friend The End......

Theres a shadow just behind me. shrouding every step I take.Making every promise empty. pointing every finger at me.Waiting like a stalking butler, who upon the finger rests.Murder now the path of must we, just because the son has come.Jesus, won’t you fucking whistle. Something but the past and done.

I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.I will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down.

Mother Mary, won’t you whisper. Something but the past is done.

Why cant we not be sober. I just want to start things over.Why cant we sleep forever. I just want to start this over.

Eating out of the money provided by my parents……………..

Driving their paid car…………………

Fuelling in their petrol………………..

Living the life they gave me………………

Married the woman of their choice……………………..

Dying my own death…………………

I need to rescue Rudraksha…………………………………….

Detach myself from everything………………….

My so called found love is busy in her office working……………..

Or maybe scrapping her way to all possible attractive men she knows…

Who cares….

Aren’t we all just so FLAVOURS…………………….

The fact is “who the fuck am I”?

Where is VIPUL lost….

I know for sure I have been there for every single mother fucking soul I know……………and like you all even I feel the hunger to be cared about…………….to be the special one…………….to be wanted……….where are you all……….cant you see !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where are you my friend……………. Where are you GOD…………..pls help me God….pls…………………………………..


Where is me……

Iam sick of giving…………………..sick of lies………….sick of myself…………….and iam so coward that the END is just impossible………….

Replacable old white cotton shirt

yes we all are like our old rotten white cotton shirt.......we all have a life........

the shirt which fits us the best worns out quickly......the shirt which is itchy and unfit remains fresh and new......

i feeeeellll horrible............

people committ in a surreal way to you .................................. while you possible satisy only one aspect for them......... they voyering eyes are all over........ either i have lost it or whatever.............................................................................................................................................................

Fancy words.....Attractive Blogs......Intellectual Arseholes......one night stands.....

It’s so easy to get carried away.

Us emotional arseholes………

a little gesture of compassion not passion but compassion and we sell our souls…………………

Urgent need to visit my factory in Delhi…… I spent the last of saved money and buy a ticket ……… I reach my hometown and then my factory………in the meanwhile someone informs my Lawfully Wedded Wife with whom I am fighting a divorce case that I am in town and my where about…….

She reaches my factory with my 3.5 yr old son in shabby clothes and no slippers or shoes on him …….his head and body burning with fever…….

For the moment I forget the death term she had written for me and rush to our child doctor…………….

My son is suffering from TYPHOID………

I have 2000 rupees in my pocket and that’s it…… the money is spent on the fees and reports……. No money left for his medication…………… so I take refuge to my parents…………………………………………………………………………………
Only to realise that my son’s fever is deliberate………..

Someone wrote to me this morning that iam not that oblivious………. Damn how much people know of me whilst iam totally unaware of my own God – Damn Self…..

As of now iam numb……angry…….and alone in my self…….and iam liking this feeling…………………………………………………………………………………..

Last entire month I have been happy and the feeling of content started to creep into me for good……… making me forget the anguish and agony …………………….
I started to feel loved and cared by…………..i started to feel back again that I can do it again…… I can build my self back again and save my son from the scars he’s growing towards from……..

I had actually come to a point of belief that I can do any thing………………………

Only to realise that nothing lasts forever……. Iam a very unhappy person and I have somehow started to believe in this state of mind…..somehow it brought peace and solitude within my self…….somehow it kept me away from the scum known as Friends….Lovers…..well wishers…………. And I will defiantly am going to stick to this thought process…………

I am unable to provide for my son today……Good for nothing Father……………….

“A Bastard Son to a father and a bastard father to a son”

Iam broken somewhere and I cant fix it………..

They say love cures it all………… and I say love starts it all………………………..


What’s love……….. till the time you are giving in its love…..once u use a harsh word “check the love out then DUDE”…………………………………………………..

Instantly the love and affection takes a back seat and the chat on “ORKUT” gets a kick start……………………………………………….

How easy it has become to find love now days….. It cost u 25 bucks an hour…….

I was always in love……….. With my mom dad….with my brother with my friends and with my best friend……..

Iam still in love with all of them…

Only today iam just responsible for my SON……………… iam the reason for him to breathe this air………. And I have to do everything to provide him……….

Today I agree to myself that no more I shall wish for anything for myself as it takes me away from my duties and responsibilities…………………………………………

Anyways iam not wanted enough so nothing can possibly deviate me from my Responsibilities…..

From the angel eyes iam wanted…….. Iam JUST A BASTARD FATHER TO HIM…..


I will forget the physical and mental scars and emotional scars never happened as I possess no heart……

I don’t write Fancy words………

I don’t want an attractive blog………………....

Iam definitely not an INTELLECTUAL ARSEHOLE………………….

And i aint looking for a one night stand……………………………………………

I just so don’t BELONG TO THIS WORLD………………………………………

I want to cry and iam tired of crying alone…..

I don’t know the names of fancy artists or authors or books so I shall never have a real expensive love……………………………………………………
………………………..I want to BE and iam unable to BE……….i have lost my ~BEING ………………

Looking out from the window I see the world moving…………………someday the door shall open……………someday the breeze will calm me down….someday I shall see my SON happy and smiling in my arms………….and then I shall die in peace……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
My virtue and honour is my baby……………………………………………………..
I have to die to let him live……………………………………………………………

yet again i remember the truth someone told me some day......

"Vipul you are a very unhappy man"

"you are used"

"you are not the kind of man a girl can take home to her father"

“A BASTARD son to a Father……A BASTARD Father to a son”

Is subah ki koi shyam nahi,

Ke jab tera chehra phir se samne aaya,

Mere man ke har taar ko jhanjor diya ,

Ke jab teri aakhon ne phir kiya ghayal,

Daard phir se aasuon ko saath le aaya,

Ye bewafai ki daastan kya thi,

Humne kabhi tum pe na ilzam lagaya,

Simat gaye hum humin mein kutch is tarah,

Ke maut par bhi zaban per sirf tera naam aaya…

Sirf tera naam aaya………………………………

Revelations.......................................

Time:

One Factor which controls us mortals……...turning a king to beggar and vice versa…..

A rush of questions enters the tunnels in our brain…. Control and power is long lost…..sanity which worked out well suddenly plays a different note…

What seemed write once is crime now…… every action and word spoken defies our self….

A fear of disaster with every phone call……Doorbell stops your heartbeat…..

Blank as white sheet……scared of an outburst……like a virgin scared of her First Period….while staining the Whiteness of white……innocent not to know its Natural……yet remains fearful till she turns into a gothic Queen decorated with Black Patent leather, Black nail paints, Black mascara, her tears leaving a black trace down her cheeks making her look more Sexier for herself…… yet Tears are tears and they break her; hiding behind her DARK GOTHIC SELF she remains a scared Virgin…… not fearing her Periods anymore stuffs her up with cotton…..yet she bleeds with pain…..her surrounding and BEST FRIENDS know of her periods and ache….yet no one wants to see her blood…..IT DISGUSTS THEM…..

style shaved my stub today……. Looking in mirror turned my face like in them Advertisements……wore a black Tee and comfy pajamas……cleansed my face with scrubs and fancy products……..thought to give myself a pamper……a fresh glow dawned my face or was it the Golden glow of Yellow light from bulb…... fresh….let me rephrase it ….FRESHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!! That was expected….right?

All what vision, eyes provide me …. Moist eyes…. little reddish on that…… forced smile trying to be all Style Bhai !!!!! Nothing changed……. was a Bastard….. Shall Remain one………

Soft strings from Funkadelic “Maggot Brain” provide perfect acoustics ……. Dark skin against Black Tee-shirt….. Makes u look fairer…… a weird thought “with all my crimes there are larger crimes out there” what a metaphor for Dark skin and black Tee!!!!!! I smile like a Lunatic…. Or hey a psychotic Poodle……

A conspiracy to murder ; FAILED….. Not once but twice…….. Heard rumors yet again A Perfect Murder is planned…… Quest to protect is Gone ….lost somewhere…..for whom……does this life matters to anyone….remaining a pawn in hands of them who think they control thy soul….cause u show them u love them…..yet every time that phone rings the true sentiment of a Possible fluke or “Bastardship” Greets u with “Good Morning”…..


There is no wish to put an end to breath……..no wish to see them veins spurting blood………surviving today to Live tomorrow……. Taking Blows today to get healed tomorrow…… being hated today to be loved tomorrow…..


Yet wish to be introduced again………..

Yet long to Breath next to someone’s ears…..
Her neck smelling of her skin…..moist skin …. Sweat beads smoothing up my skin too…..
yet long to Drive the Black Serpent with fingers entangled with hers……
yet wish to see someone smile tearfully looking at that Rose when she opens her door.
Yet want to wear my Apron again and brew Coffee with to die for Breakfast …. Waking her up with a slight blow in her ears…… saying “Good Morning Angel;
yet wish to stare at the window holding her from her waist…….see the morning from her eyes…….
yet wish to Propose her in the middle of the Sky surrounded by clouds……. Tell her I want to Grow old with her………
yes wish to Kiss her beneath that Mistletoe…..to walk that threshold…… to see happiness and content in her eyes……. To see her dreams come true…… to hear her sing and sing to her…… to love her….. and to be loved……..to Become Us just Us……

Yes wish to Live Again………..


have a son who is son to a bastard Father……..and am Father to a bastard son……

laxman da dhaba

So she took her love for to gaze a while upon the fields of barley; in my arms she fell as her hair fell down among the fields of gold…….will u still love me will you be my love ….among the fields of barley ; we’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky among the fields of Gold……………………………

Mind Freaking experiences since last few days……..


Awakening of a feeling which had Died for almost years and years…………


No reason and no sense…….yet so livid, lucid, and oblivious and Beautiful…….


Someone who just happened to become an important part of me said “vipul you are weird, u look like a psycho…..u don’t attract psycho’s as you are one”


Someone who used to be very important to me and probably I loved to the core told me this year starting “Vipul you are not the kind of man someone can take home to….. You are used and you have a son”



As of now and since years back all I managed to do is laugh it off………. It doesn’t bother me anymore as the fact of Human selfless love is obsolete for my used soul.


The feeling of a constant mind fuck forces me to believe that iam unwanted…..


People with whom I don’t have a “being in love connection” accuse me of having it and using them…..


People with whom I feel a “being in something” connection don’t wish that from me or with me…………..


Is my Divorce a taboo which inflicts its plague on me ever since I have learnt about it?


Or am I a real living breathing PSYCHO?


Or am I yet another VAMPIRE who lives in the night and burns in the sun……….


I have a purpose and I have to accomplish that………. My Son is my life and soul…….. No hopes of any one accompanying this life and no hopes of any possible Love………….or companionship……… yet my hearts waits for thee………….


One day the sun shall shine again I know of that……one day someone will be my sun I know of that………. Would that day be in my next birth……… would I have a next birth anyways?


Scarred face/ scarred body/ scarred soul……yet not demented …..Yet not dead……yet the instinct is 100 folds…..


Iam the Phoenix…..


Burn me and I shall live again…………

Hallelujah

Amazed to be back……..

Rejuvenated, full of spirit…….

Realizations and Truths surfacing the weak brain cells pumping in blood full of pure red….

While the Stars lay in their own way I fight them with God………

maybe victory just saw me in the crowd off lately….

and yet the Self lost somewhere……

Someone sent me a piece of art which now has added to the lost composure already slipping like sand……..

Demons “Good morning”

memories “flash back” ,

Anguish “Hello”…….



Hallelujah….by Jeff Buckley….


“There was a time when you let me knowWhat's really going on belowBut now you never show that to me do yaBut remember when I moved in youAnd the holy dove was moving tooAnd every breath we drew was HallelujahWell, maybe there's a God aboveBut all I've ever learned from loveWas how to shoot somebody who outdrew yaIt's not a cry that you hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”



Just as when things started to look better Ghosts appeared...



Tears moist the traded skin,

a sudden rush from the back doors fill in heart’s room with all dust and scratches…….
head turns sideways blowing hair cover eyes, blocking Vision …….
Red nerves bulge out in small eyes and white turns yellow ……..
warm drop rolls down……..

Just this morning yet a revelation took place……… just another call from Reality or so to say “Reality check”……………….

Will this ever stop………. Destiny is destined and Karma is ours……… who is to be hanged….. “Leaders are like Eagles …they fly alone” once my Hallelujah said ……you r wrong……… and again the storm from the Back doors reminded how right I was……

What I never understood…..


A long drive for you is an excursion; an long drive for me is escapism;

Laughter for you is happiness; laughter for me is hiding Agony;

A statement from you is decision; statement from me is juvenile;

A relation of you is sacred; a relation of me is sacrifice;

A smile from you to me is caring; a smile from me to you selfish;

Food you give me is Love; while what I cook is in return;

Your lies are innocence; mine Earthquake;

Your blood is red; my blood is white;

You get hurt; while Iam Smiling;



“Baby I've been here beforeI've seen this room and I've walked this floorI used to live alone before I knew yaI've seen your flag on the marble archBut love is not a victory marchIt's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah”


Hallelujah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Invisible

Stood there; Time lapse;
The kinds where an object stands still and time moves on;
Time lapse; yes that’s what I said;
Crowd walks past me; fire walks within me;
I stand still;
The new generation of time lapse;
The new generation of Therapy;
He jumped to take a dive in deep waters;
Landed flat on chest hard water hitting his chest;
Punch of a lifetime;
Sat there….where I’ve been used to sitting for since I’ve been born…..ate the way it’s always been……
Heard what I always heard…………
Unplanned unwanted child of filth……… just invisible….
The blame game begins…….. “Welcome to the world of Master boy”;
Yet only this time the Blame game seemed so gentle…..
Just so gentle…….
Just this time the picture cleared to a higher horizon….
Virtue flashed;
One wishes to Elope and other to opposite of whatever Elope means…..” stupid P.J”
I wish to shout and weep……. I couldn’t……I wanted to get affected I couldn’t……..
Is it oblivious state of mind or have I achieved the FUCK ALL mother of numbness……
This is the first time when I am unable to write what’s in my head……..
I can’t write a song……… it’s just all so wrong…….. I tried to be for you……..but how much I will do………u take me in your arms……….is that the price u pay………..now what did I do wrong………I just want u to stay……….. I opened up my heart……..u emptied out all love……….i buried up my self……….u sold my bones and nails………
Now what did I do wrong……….i didn’t plan it this way……..its time my child on the play……
Your father’s all so wrong……let them blame me to stay…….. and I will fight for you……...i already lost my part………would u choose me to them…… or would u so go away……..
Yes tears are so alive…….fell so dead inside……... this battle’s not of sorts………. This battle is my life…….this battle is my life……this battle is my life………………….

Most common amongst UNCOMMON

Moments…..

You’re like a raindrop falling down on me;
You’re running down my face so evenly….

I cant explain the things you do to me….


Ya you Unleash the beast inside of me,…..


I can’t describe…….


What you do to me;


You’re like a sweet wind blowing over me….


few words from Johan Gielen's Moments...........


Stiff neck.......Stiff head.....Stiff senses.......


i cant describe......


Finding Solace in a neverland;


Uncommon choices......... much known as Uncommon ME;


Times made me feel pride in being the common Man within the Uncommon community;


and times make me feel why cant i be the just common in common community;


why cant i just do the normal things everyone does?


why cant i like the most common relations existing?


Fall in love the way everyone does?


why cant i just take pleasure and not fragment every feeling while walking on that wet sand.....


why cant i see a wave as a wave and not see the emotion in that DAMN wave......


why simply i cant be a part of the " KHAO KHUJAO BATTI BUJHAO" Freternity....


why all this analysis.......just why?


Why this continous wait for a Miracle?


why this uncontrollable urge for a possible connection?


why its impossible to manupilate like you do?


why is it so Digusting for me to just do what they do?


why i cant limit my existance to Bread and butter, Sex and materialistic pleasures offered by The brands......

Another Phone call

Shall we give up the hope for survival……
Not insane….not a psycho definitely……
Not a hurt or demented soul,
Not a twisted and tattered head…..
Not a looser to succumb to Death,
Just feel lost and broken,
Not that hatred was in demand,
Not that demoralization was demanded,
Neither escapism prioratised…..
Have faith in ourselves,
Have trust in GOD,
Ourselves is gone,
GOD prefers sycophants,
Remember the old college song….
”Losing my religion” in, a different light.
Seeing EVIL win over again and again in front of truth……. Seeing Rape rule sweet love…….
Not a rebel…..not a runner…..
A fighter wounded beyond healing,
Yet the day starts with its beauty…..Birds chirp canaringly…..sun shines defining horizon…….
All, for the SATAN and evil……
GOOD and GOD, truth and righteousness, Faith and trust………… just another barcode on the Bible……just another barcode…….
Maybe today is the day…….maybe today it’s the Union……..may be today I shall ask????
Maybe today I shall ask?
A Dead parsi lying in dead ….vultures snipping twiks and pieces of flesh…….no pain …….just no soul to feel pain……something has gone wrong somewhere……..
God has been lost somewhere……
I am lost somewhere….
Iam GOD just GOD and I have a barcode…….you can buy me…….with money you made……. No more Satanic Verses……..
Finding emotions, smiles in FLICKS,
Eyes swell as a couple passes by on a motorbike,
Heart numbs when he shares his cappuccino with her,
Arrogance and loath on faces,
Dried out mouth, chipped lips…..
Blank vision XRAY induced,
I was brave then my father was…… I just gave bravery….
Weak fingers temples ache…..
Ears reside in low hearing aid…..
The birth of youth or dread of age…..
Yet hope remains……
Music plays within my brain, stare at the white I try and refrain……
Lost and found……..just so profound……
Which genre of linguistic chauvinism I use……the literate self felt so abused….
For all the word Iam short of word today…….for all the excellence has betrayed me today…..for all the faith GOD left me today…..just like a disoriented lover from past…..
Energy less and so confused…… for me I was a LIZARD KING…… yet feel so Mule…yet feel so mule….yet feel so mule….

The DOOR

The large huge door,

One side the crowd and other side the monument.

The monument excites them.

They enter that door.

They see the monument.

They praise it.

Make dreams and visions of it.

Envision the monument as a part of life.

The door sees it all.

How people come and go.

For the DOOR the time has stood still forever.

For the DOOR there is no heart.

For the DOOR cannot feel the pain.

For the DOOR stands there for ages in anticipation of someone looking at him with love and honor..

And the DOOR is just a DOOR......

As my friend Jim once said....."There is known and there is unknown...in between there's doors.

Iam DOOR.......
1.58 pm....01/05/2007.

Independence

One of those morning’s….. Good Morning….
When the KARMA….. Comes face to face…… screams!!! Shouts …..
All plans were defined …. Attainable Glory…. Achievable success!!!!!!!
Where did what go wrong???????????
Some blame the KARMA….. Some STARS…..Some ME….
Flash of DEATH…..or DEAD….. Do I give up today?
A second consisting of millions of Nano seconds……every nano second with a new thought….every new thought with another million versions…..
Permanent Mental block……… a situation where one’s head stops to think rationally….Fear clouds over…… no solution……. No way out…….. Phone call to the astrologer…..”Hoping for a miracle…for an unanswered solution” sick of this blame game……can’t see anything working out…..can’t figure out how and why there is no solution…… cannot take this humiliation and soul ripping anymore…… and DIE …. My responsibility does not permit….. Can’t live those vultures not permit…
Son….. Let GOD decide the best for you…… leave it on GOD…… when all the doors are closed and smoke fills in each crevice and corner then GOD holds your hand and guides you…..
How long will GOD wait until GOD sees this despair situation….. DID I ask for a possible MIRACLE…..? No!!!! NOT AT ALL…… simple course of results of our actions ….. Why can’t it just be normal……. Who asked for a HEROIC story ……… I have to pay salaries…… I have to pay bills…… I have to pay them VULTURES….. I have to eat………cannot arrange the Fees for my Child’s education…..cannot figure out anything……it’s just so DARK in here……….
Something will happen….. You performed your act and duties….let GOD be the one now…….. Astrologically your Position is not GOOD…… then why my family should suffer my planets….Don’t they have their own one’s…….. I took chances and risks……it should be only my troubles and my sorrows….. Why them ……
The limits have crossed….. The regime is lost…… confidence alive and hope survives…….Iam DEAD but ME Decides……No answers!!! No Solutions……who wanted they got…….. Utilised whores…….. Utilised ME….lie open eyed Naked Dead bodies still breathing ….. Blistered inside and soul……. Ground repeatedly ….. Sour bleeding emotions………legs wide spread……. Dry tears……. Moaning of mourn providing rhythmic acoustics for Rapists moans….. No water to wash this crime…… no water to clear this smell……no water to sooth what tore….yes GOD is there……I saw GOD….. Eyes motor functions but they don’t close…… I See GOD….. The bad breath hits my face again…. The evil hunger hits my eye again….up and down……blocking VISION…unblocking vision….. I See GOD….I don’t see GOD….I see GOD …. I don’t see GOD…..


Another day the vulture flies….. Another day the sharks they bite…..another day I have to survive….another day I have to survive…..

Vision of Sun clear, vision of Glory waiting……… Dreams clausterfobic…… achievements GOD’S GRACE….

Twp point Mission: Envisioning the Mississippi Train……

Poles apart….pink Floyd….the Division bell…….

Misinterpreted, as a love track, sad song by many,…..but a song ,based on the after World War II.

My friend calls me; what the fuck is wrong with you……..u can’t afford a distraction…..!!!!!!!!!!
You got to stick to your TWO POINT THEORY….

Iam not distracted…..it happened……..it was raining that night and the door was open….cool moist breeze hit my face and I was chatting with her…….something happened….that moment just stayed…..

You are losing it boss; you already have enough up your sleeve, u can’t afford another 10 kilos of weight on your legs to slow yourself down……GET OF IT YOU FUCK…
What can I say…….if it happened it must be destined…every union has a purpose….a life and an end…..

How long have you been chatting with her;

A week;

And you claim already that Ur in love????????????????

Sort off

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing…I guess I land up making the weirdest choices…that’s why u are my friend “MY FRIEND”

She’s a kid, in front of you, dude…..possible she haven’t even reached her puberty….and u already have attained the prime…..probably cum more than her total number of days on this planet…are you a psycho or what……are u on drugs????? She’s gonna spit you like a flavorless chewing Gum…..what the hell even Iam saying…… listen pal…she won’t even come close to the ACHE you are in … she probably has seen things like these in FLICKS…..that’s it…

I feel she loves me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whatever man,…..don’t call me tomorrow down with half a bottle of scotch……

Hey I understand….let me clear it out with her……….pls….Iam not forgetting my TWO POINT MISSION….i just can’t get her out of my system….inflicted and infected by her eyes….her brain….. She is the one….

It’s your choice after all……anyhow got to go…have to attend BABA RAMDEV’S camp early morning….

Bye.

Midnight blues……receive a track from her “Mississippi train”

Epitome of togetherness………in quite moments of pauses I remain….truly yours……and smiles of that youth full love air surrounds me again….visit her profile and enlarge her photo ….stare stare stare…..fall fall fall… love songs from all genres surround me…….. Time goes by…..and Luis Armstrong plays “as time goes by”

Bliss eternity……

Internet connection disconnected….reconnect tripping of the chair…..

Do you love me…….

And here it goes….

Morning glorifies…….online on her profile page….

A nice note of thanks on her about me section……..changed her DP…..changed her write up…..

It about time……I gather myself together……….

My TWO POINT MISSION waiting for me…..

Just one of those moments of heavenly NUMBNESS…… back to my Classic regulars and black coffee….

A smile decorates this unshaven 7 by 12….

Another E-mail from the community for suggestion..

Good morning…

Yet again I burry the last week just like one in past……

With yet another promise….of remaining a friend………………….

DAMN…..so fuckin college….
So fuckin college……….

I log off her face in my eyes…..her name on my lips…… and her words in my ears “I ADORE THEE”

One more name deleted from expecting call on my birthday……

weakest are the reason for Power......

I try to understand...;

Who are these Leaders....Philosophers......or these Brands the world follows ... oh no not world..... masses..?

Are they really Leaders or are we followers.... I think ....

Who gives them the right to lead us......are they that special......what special feature do they have ??

Probably nothing........ nothing at all but the power of Oration....and Belief..

Not Good or bad....belief is belief..........for them Good for someone else Bad...

its our weakness which makes them leaders........ its us followers who follow them.....cause we fear to stand up on our own......

an opinion can be the thought process of a community......how can be an opinion be the Prerogative of one and felloship of millions......

Its our fear which allows them to over power us...

They become the niche casue we choose to remain cished................

Worth it................................

Innocent crime of reaching that door...... Demons scream and fear galore.....
This new breed is inflicting its epidemic...

.it’s contagious and horrific......
I close my eyes in fear and yet i see the same.....

God help me to run Iam turning insane.......
Feeling wary in peace my soul desires....

yet again the passion for glimpse acquires....
yet again the passion for glimpse acquires....
yet again the passion for glimpse acquires....


Take a leap.....stride with force......force away.... away with the acquired syndrome....
Acquired sadistic eyes,,,,
acquires smiles of passion......
We belong ...so and so Long.....so long so long

weird what they call me.....cause i choose not to be chosen.... cause i choose not to be welcomed....cause i choose me and not them........shall my search remain...... or shall I someday re-reign......... so-long , so-long

And I smile..... the best thing i do...... holding up the waves.....forcing my chest to let loose.........................yet they call me weird....as weird i am......cause they see the waves vacating ....... and waves is what Iam.

Should myself chooses to leave.....and let the happiness prevail...... I shall be remembered like Satan was.......... every generation gives birth to a revolution never understood by the first one.......... weird is what Iam never understood by thee.......or is it that the revolution is me…………………………………

Welcome visions

I thank you all to have taken out time to visit me.........
There are more then 50 shots displayed each one of which has a story of its own........................... i guess that's all i'll say.....
Adios.........................

Guten Morgan........

Yawn….muscle stretch….itchy groin and scratchy arse….
Where is my phone…… third ring goes and I disconnect…… open the door and see my maid already churning the espresso machine…. MMMmmmmmmmmmm technology…. Back those days half of the house shouted the maids name….. now give a missed on their cell and ur coffee is there….

Mmmmmmmm black hot Americano….. smells amazing already the fumes entering the brainal arena and popping the nerves clogged….

Why the fuck is this an Americano…why not an Indiano or an Italiano or a Canadiano…… raking my morning dead cells on the most non-existent issue of my life….well in my extensive travel across the globe I realized that America was one of those nations where coffee came in pretty late…but yet they got a coffee on their label….. Well whatever…a country to get Bush on their oval....surely is allowed to have a coffee procedure on their label....

A P.J. hits my head.....what happend when Bushes in whilte house lawns cought fire????

Security: Mr.Bush Mr. Bush ..............!!!!
Mr. Bush: is there a problem.... (in his texan accent)
Security: Mr. Bush your bushes are on fire..................

my coffee is Indian..My maid is Indian…and my morning stinking mouth is definitely Indian…. Head shaking happening ….. Those early morning patriotic vision….for a coffee…..

Memories of that late night chat with a rare brain-dead-pschidzo…high on tea caffeine and some biscuit brand she mentioned….……. Kind of sweet girl…..haven’t tasted her so sweet sweet but not in that pretext …. But sweet, in my own ways…….

Less agony of past…. Much less Benjamin…. Friends coming over in the evening….. …… just another Epiphany…..

Final scratch and reducing itch…..

Good Morning..

Rise and shine….

Ciggerate Smoking is NOT Injurious to health........

I wonder……

I had few installments to pay today…. How the “fuck” do I assert charm and courtesy to these vultures….

Mr.: Gireesh (my humble honest colleague) just shoo them today and get a 25 day later date……

First arrival: “aaj last day hai……aapko aaj pay karna hi padega”.

Mr. Gireesh: “arre yaar baith to jao…..abhi Boss Dilli mein nahi hain”

First arrival: “aapke Boss Dilli mein nahi hai to main kya karoon, mujhe instructions milli paise collect karne ke liye”

Mr. Gireesh: “chai loge ya coffee”

First arrival: “ Sir aap mere paise de do muzhe chai coffee kuch nahi chahiye”

Mr. Gireesh: “accha pani to peyega ke nahi”

First arrival: “ Aap samazhte nahi hain muzhe next call per bhi janna hai….muzhe der ho rahi
hai”

Mr. Gireesh: “abhe naukri kar raha hai na tera khud ka paisa thode hi hai…. Chal cigerate pilata hoon”

First arrival: “ab aap Itna keh rahe ho to ciggerate to pe hi leta ahoon”

Mr. Gireesh: “itna tension mat liya kar….. tere baap ka thode hi kuch ja raha hai….Boss jane ya
tera bank jane tu kyon tension leta hai……original Dunhill hai pile ….Boss Dubai se laya tha”

First arrival: “waise Ek baat to hai Ciggerate pine wale log bade acche hote hain, main to aapko dekh kar hi samaj gaya that…. Aap badiya aadmi hoge”


Ciggerate Smoking is definately not injurious to health..............................................

Thanks Bhaskar ....

I havent taken this shot.... Mr. Bhaskar did !!!.

but its a very special moment.....

Three people from the same roots.... Different Visions ....

Steel

amazing reflection of the flags on steel....

the black image is myself clicking..

Retrogarade

Colours you burn in

Phir wahi Shaam ;

Wahi Gum, wahi tanhai hai…

Dil ko samzhayen teri yaad chali aayi hai…

Phir wahi shayam……

The memories of Retro…॥

Neela aasmaan so gaya

ho ooooo Neela aasmaan so gaya,

O ho, ons barse raat bheege honth tharraaye

Dhadkane kuchh kehna chaahe keh nahin paaye,

Hawa ka geet madhyam hai

Samay ki chaal bhi kam hai,

Neela aasmaan so gayaa,

O, meri baahon mein sharmate lajaate aise tum aaye

Ki jaise baadlon mein chaand dheere dheere aa jaye,

Yeh tanhaayi yeh main aur tum

Zameen bhi ho gayi gumsum ,

Neela aasmaan so gayaa

,ho Neela aasmaan so gaayaa

। Harivansh Rai Bachhan Sahab

“ jab bhii kabhii is tanhai mein ashk sarakte hain,,

jab bhii kabhii chhat pe parchiyion se sapnee chalkte hain;

tab tab ye ehsaas hotaa hai,

ke mere dil ke saath vo dard sota hai,

ke vo dard ke saath ye ashk sooten hain,

ke vo ashkon ke saath vo sapane sooten hain,

Chaala jaataa hoon usakii aaghosh mein ;

jis tanhai mein ye aks sooten hain……

jis tanhai mein ye aks sooten hain…………।

Vipul…।

Happiness is the destination; sadness is just the way through.....whatever...another stupid one liner

www.webworld.com

Just webbed up

The "F" factor

Now that's what you call

"My Candle"

certain things in life leave their message behind.

one finger

Guess how big these flowers are in real.....

the total height is within 1.5 inch....my jeans got all muddy and shirt slogded up with clay while trying to picture them...

Tomorrow

lost my virginity to capitalism

something which caught my eye..... the lake at Ras-Al-Keimah U.A.E.... we were sitting at a hukkah cafe ovrlooking the water......

at around sunset i realised that from an angle the new construction obstructed the sun....

no explanation ...... what i felt and cant describe..

"Lost my virginity to capitalism"

Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind........

Discreet, hidden, covered us, Scared, confused, naked us,

The outside outset glory of our material triumph and the stinking naked unwashed us, walking down the star studded ceremony!!! Stars play us.

The retro lives as the techno dawns as the sun shines and the moon yawns,

Always in agony in sub-fuckin-conscious ::::: sleep and pat of the nerves reviving in unstable dreams…

Questions ;
Questions;
Questions;

questions galore, the hot coffee splits them up and u manage to see the door,

Good morning sunshine; shine on me… and give me strength to power on the VH1 T.V.
Gwen Stefani says “wind it up” and I think haven’t the day just started…eyes half crawled and marks of my nails scratch on the morning dry skin, itchy itchy oh where is my coffee, the last blow of Zippo and the room goes foggy,

Good morning sunshine…..
dog barks,
dogs everywhere,

folded hands and eyes close I say oh god give me strength to live this day….

Sir I made a mistake;

Can u remember the merchant of Venice?

” a pound of flesh”


The maid takes the dirt of the floor and my last night crime is moped,

The sound of music and marry poppins, the day of the jackal and the dooms day conspiracy…

Airtel and hutch rings and dogs bark,
Memories of the phone camera from the rainy day from my windscreen.

Question one answered and 2 arrives.

I tumble over the wood on the floor and the table helps me to pace the door,

Question 2 answered..

The maid still moping the floor and the crime spots still vanishing…

Question 3 answered and more…

Lesson for the day…
Questions are journey and the answer is our destination…..

“Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind”

Just too fuckin cliché